Creation Care Debunked

“Our ministry is grounded in the Bible’s teaching on the responsibility of God’s people to “tend the garden” through a faithful walk with our Lord Jesus Christ”  -  creationcare.org

Really, your bible is not some divine revelation demanding you gently steward his creation

You’ll score no points towards some fuzzy salvation by recycling all your crumpled diet soda cans

Your filth and waste is not being tallied to be balanced at some Victorian-style pearly gates

No Christ smiles down upon your efforts to re-create some fantasy Garden you never lost

Saving a little energy wont absolve you of a single one of what you dogmatically call sins

Creation Care cant help earn fuzzy eternal salvation points towards saving your fictional souls

Cleaning up the mess we’ve made isn’t part of your blurry, imaginary Master’s plan

The beckoning void will, however, still blindly accept you despite any of your niggling efforts

Restoring the ocean’s life earns as much redemption as tiredly fingering some rosary

Creation Care must recognize over-population, but He also commands that you be fruitful

No angels smile upon your efforts to preserve the gilded fantasy of His Christian creation

Talks with your personal savior will not have the slightest effect on climate change

There is, my brother, no god commanding that you rise up to smite back acid rain

Protecting rain forest won’t get you to your fairytale mega-church evangelical heaven

Planting a couple of trees wont absolve even one of your imaginary sins of omission

Saving charismatic species wont help grease your way to that hazily-imagined paradise

Preserving intact ecosystems wont justify your childlike faith in worn-out myths

Look, restoring salmon runs, saving rivers and cleaning the air is actually not the Will of God

You were not charged by Him with some vain exceptionist stewardship of His earth

Your Creationist illusions do not pertain to the life force you place yourself outside of

You have no divinely authorized responsibility to anally houseclean this blue-green planet

You are not called by old testament prophets to rise up against global warming

It’s not your sacred duty to save the ecosphere from heathen foreign polluters

Creation Care would better entail nurturing those saved-from-abortion children of unwed mothers

Saving the species which you find pleasing isn’t the road to your everlasting glory

For, does not God who is love also demand the extreme ecological devastation we worship as war?

This green role you grant yourself as part of your old hoax is simply a new advertising jingle

Your hubris-ridden efforts will be swept away without a trace in a single geologic epoch

Preserving critical habitat cannot curry favor with a stale God invented to control your ancestors

Creation Care, like its sibling Creationism, cannot be heard in the unified silence

Even the extreme sacrifice of your pickup for a tiny hybrid wont put you on the road to heaven

And what of the holocaust of the domestic animals that you had Him deem to lack so-called souls?

The power of your prayer will not bring back or save a single species from extinction

Your tiredly dogmatic religious brand cannot be re-packaged to co-opt ecological sustainability

You are not some warped image of your musty God, chosen to shepherd this random world

Your vain and literalist Creation Care is, at once, tearful, humorous and nauseating

But, Best of Luck!