I Was A Predatory Capitalist Leader

I was a leader, safely locked inside my walled compound each and every night

A captain of commerce whose value to a firm was not measurable by accountants or the board

My pasty complexion and expensive suit masking a savage predatory capitalist

I was in absolute control of the great corporate ship, from my penthouse suite

Cadres of suckups competed for just the briefest moments of my attention

My time was deemed worth thousands of dollars per hour by my simpering lackeys

I pushed buttons controlling my political puppets from behind expensive closed doors

I lobbied for opening markets, protective tariffs and subsidies – so as to rake in huge bonuses

I played hardball with other swashbuckling executives groomed just like me

I OK’d worthless investment instruments and later said I had never understood them

I assured myself an ironclad golden parachute before even assuming any new position

We avoided any regulation, ruined the markets and then secured whopping, no-strings bailouts

I was borne secretly about in a personal helicopter to my private corporate jet

We assured them the crumbs of our prosperity trickled down thru our drains to them

I was a leader who one only saw accompanied by a trophy wife and a greasy lawyer

We innovated trade in leveraged gambles and stopped investing in actual business

I routinely merged, downsized, outsourced, raised prices, decreased services and got bonuses

I was on the cutting edge of a new global paradigm in corporate entrepreneurship

We called for personal responsibility as we reneged on all their promised benefits

We ignored their old and irrelevant lessons, for we were a new breed for a new age

I had my autobiography written and portrayed myself as folksy, kind and wise

We paid for candidates who granted us huge tax breaks and ended government oversight

I was a leader who read empty prepared statements and then jumped into waiting limos

I welcomed the chance to clear my name but dared not say a word on my own behalf

I cast a blind eye as our unregulated foreign suppliers adulterated our products

With global vision I exported our pollution to where slave labor was encouraged

I had spin doctors call for calm even as we unloaded our own toxic investments onto the taxpayers

When I had my assets secured I testified live about how awful it all made me feel

I was a leader for whom quarterly profit and stock price served as the only true guiding lights

We secured de-regulation, ran amuck until things collapsed, then whined for help

We stepped outside national boundaries, dangling bad jobs for great concessions

We quietly manipulated policy from the background, having bought & paid for the elections

I was paid millions to take total control but disavowed all responsibility in the end

I watched their panic from comfort, safety and security, decreed to be too big to fail

We received bonuses with gov’t bailout money even as we tightened up on our loan standards

I was a great leader whose vision and wisdom surely will be treasured by your children

Makes Sense When You're Dreaming

It just all seems so logical and sensible inside this flawed dream we collectively weave

that’s why we need cluster bombs, land mines, new nukes and more chemical weapons

It’s all here before us in living breathing color every month of our maxed-out credit card lives

There are drugs for those who imagine that all this is crazy and can’t really last much longer

We waste and pollute, overcrowd and degrade, extract, poison and extinguish

For this we have rock solid reasoning layered on seamless and unassailable assumptions

From one bit of faith flows our vast river of well-constructed and inescapable dogma

Thusly can we ignore ancient wisdom and our starving brothers in an angry, righteous blindness

Bathed in a warm sea of religion, patriotism and family values we move about with ease

We readily expect third world sacrifice on behalf of our dreamy convenience

Groping sleepily with the blind hand of the free market in pursuit of individual happiness

We gladly pay more for disappearing resources which guarantees their final exploitation

The lights work and the water runs and the garbage gets hauled off somewhere every week

Verily do we perceive the unending natural cycle of our inalienable consumer lifestyle

There’s nothing out of context and the wackos are sensibly and seamlessly ignored

Our own professionals in neat suits have organized agendas tracking everything important

We readily explain away anything which disturbs the consistency of the revered central images

Thus, the multi-generational poverty and suffering of others is thoughtlessly tolerated

Just a couple of small basic distortions have increasingly warped our derived beliefs

And fat people drive oversize cars way too fast, wasting and emitting and calling it good

With but a subtle bending to enlightened self-interest and the pursuit of our happiness

We appoint the greediest, most amoral and self-serving as the masters of our universe

It just makes common sense in the dream which immerses everyone, all of the time

Together we direct all our efforts towards the foolish pipedream of eternal compound growth

It seems normal to live beyond our means, never save a penny, and still expect pensions

Nobody even questions shoving all the other life forms aside to abet our so-called progress

Our only true issues arise when we cannot obtain all the rich rewards of the collective fantasy

But even then, the shared dream in which we pursue these shiny baubles cannot be distorted

Yet, it takes a moment to ignore the rolled back, widened eyes seen often in the departing

It is as if, too late, they are roused from our dream to some nightmare that we will never see

Our Most Sacred Core Beliefs

Out of which arise our Traditional Family Values©

War is a basic and unchangeable part of human nature that will always be with us

You cant’ stop progress and that includes its unforeseen and destructive side effects

We must remain ready to preemptively defend ourselves or we will be attacked from all sides

Population growth is divinely ordained and no one may limit a family’s number of children

Human survival on the family scale trumps human survivability on the global level

Food and jobs must supercede preservation of the earth that supports them both

Trillions of selfish short-term, greed-optimized decisions blindly ensure our best future

Our god, no matter his name, is the one true god whom we must follow and defend to the death

The soulless animals may be tended, exterminated or ignored simply as we see fit

God works on his vaster projects in mysterious ways which we simply cannot grasp

This earthly life is but a short and illusory prelude to a far better and eternal paradise

His servants on this earth are here to help guide us along the path that He created

Merging mega-sized competitors produces many long-term benefits, not just fat bonuses

Hostility and aggression need our financial support but peace and harmony do not

We will always have to be preparing to fight to the death for a bit of simple peace

We hold as a matter of faith that our children will always have a rosier future than we

The poor are either lazy or suffering divine punishment and therefore, can be righteously ignored

Monomaniacal control freaks will use the power they grab only to help build a better society

Once safely out of our sight, our wastes need no longer be any of our concern, ever again

Air and water are free goods and trying to preserve them involves taxes not investments

Simply reacting to problems after they become serious is more effective than failed social planning

Living in wait for quickly-forgotten holidays leaves one with a rich set of remembrances

Corporations really do care about employees, customers, society and the environment

Focusing on next quarter’s results leads us all inevitably towards the happily ever after

Climate change is unproven but would be far too expensive and difficult to try and remedy

Overseas outsourcing clears the way for those new and better jobs for our displaced workers

Hindbrain reactionary muddling remains the best option for global problem solving

Stocks are safe investments which always outperform other instruments in the long run

Personal Responsibility is a viable strategy to deal with pensions and medical costs

The free market will address poverty, education, environmental and healthcare issues

Road, bridge, dam, sewer, power and water infrastructure outlays can be indefinitely postponed

An officially multi-lingual government provides egalitarian services and unites its people

God belongs in our government but the government does not belong in our businesses

Living life to its fullest means saving nothing as one consumes and discards freely, without saving

Mom is really quite happy at that place and the people all like her and really care about her

God’s will is quite naturally done here on earth just as it is in His eternal heaven

Gettin ‘Merica Great Again

Gotta bring back cheap and really smoky diesel fuel for our honest, thrifty working men

Then they’ll be tradin up again to even further upside-down leases on even bigger pickups

Get em back to belchin smoke from good loud mufflers with that same patriotic pride

Stead of sneakin around like tree huggers with eggs beneath their gas pedals

We’ll refinance their houses for them and flush away those negative savings

Gonna give traditional families a place to draw out more unearned cash from china

All them re-financing deals should kick start our most innovative credit finance industry

And the realtors can start runnin up house prices for fat commissions once again

We’ll ditch this cockamamie greenhouse crap to protect our fragile economic recovery

No more bullshit about saving the planet because, look, people’s jobs are on the line here

Forget this sustainablility scam if it involves even the slightest expense or inconvenience

Get the asians ta slap them peasants in line cause we need more cheap imported junk

We’ll get these whatever Ārabs straightened out even if it takes a coupla lifetimes

A few hundred billion dollars each and every year ought to do the trick - Someday

Pretty soon a few of those like free elections will bring them heathens all like McDonalds and stuff

Our boys aren’t dyin in vain even if it has just been all wrong from start to finish

Bringing back the days when we just shoved it all into the trash and straight out the door

No more stupid packin and sorting through the garbage for them numbnut greenies

If they want it, they can pay me for it and come here and dive thru our dumpster to get it

Cause once it’s paid for, it’s mine to simply toss away and get on with traditional family life

Nowadays they aint no need to spend money on clean water since we all drink ours outta bottles

The kids can just go down to the pool if they want to go swimming in the summer

I never have time to go fishin anymore and the wife likes it better down to Red Lobster

Anyway, we can still get out on the boats and jetskis as long as we don’t get wet

Them good new jobs atomorra created after we all got outsourced are comin in real soon now, too

We’ll all be contributin to the consumer economy in our new service sector positions

Everybody’ll have good health benefits and a free retirement fund to draw from - Early

Yup, we’ll all be working on computer doin some kinda hi-tech financial services and shit

Coal is gonna give us a smoky, grimy-devastated, but energy-independent homeland

Honest patriot lobbyists will sacrifice sos we can crank up the uninsulated heat all winter long

We can point to the slag heaps and the dirty air and really be able to see our progress

Settin a lonely brave example for the developin world against that vast socialist CO2 conspiracy

We’ll cut taxes but hike defense spending and keep ignoring the whatever deterioratin infrastructure

Strappin on them fiscal cables for another jumpstart and bendin over for the next kickstart

Cause we really cant solve any other problems if the blessed economy has gone south

We’re gonna get back on track real soon now using creative, god-fearing entrepreneurism

Creation Care Debunked

“Our ministry is grounded in the Bible’s teaching on the responsibility of God’s people to “tend the garden” through a faithful walk with our Lord Jesus Christ”  -  creationcare.org

Really, your bible is not some divine revelation demanding you gently steward his creation

You’ll score no points towards some fuzzy salvation by recycling all your crumpled diet soda cans

Your filth and waste is not being tallied to be balanced at some Victorian-style pearly gates

No Christ smiles down upon your efforts to re-create some fantasy Garden you never lost

Saving a little energy wont absolve you of a single one of what you dogmatically call sins

Creation Care cant help earn fuzzy eternal salvation points towards saving your fictional souls

Cleaning up the mess we’ve made isn’t part of your blurry, imaginary Master’s plan

The beckoning void will, however, still blindly accept you despite any of your niggling efforts

Restoring the ocean’s life earns as much redemption as tiredly fingering some rosary

Creation Care must recognize over-population, but He also commands that you be fruitful

No angels smile upon your efforts to preserve the gilded fantasy of His Christian creation

Talks with your personal savior will not have the slightest effect on climate change

There is, my brother, no god commanding that you rise up to smite back acid rain

Protecting rain forest won’t get you to your fairytale mega-church evangelical heaven

Planting a couple of trees wont absolve even one of your imaginary sins of omission

Saving charismatic species wont help grease your way to that hazily-imagined paradise

Preserving intact ecosystems wont justify your childlike faith in worn-out myths

Look, restoring salmon runs, saving rivers and cleaning the air is actually not the Will of God

You were not charged by Him with some vain exceptionist stewardship of His earth

Your Creationist illusions do not pertain to the life force you place yourself outside of

You have no divinely authorized responsibility to anally houseclean this blue-green planet

You are not called by old testament prophets to rise up against global warming

It’s not your sacred duty to save the ecosphere from heathen foreign polluters

Creation Care would better entail nurturing those saved-from-abortion children of unwed mothers

Saving the species which you find pleasing isn’t the road to your everlasting glory

For, does not God who is love also demand the extreme ecological devastation we worship as war?

This green role you grant yourself as part of your old hoax is simply a new advertising jingle

Your hubris-ridden efforts will be swept away without a trace in a single geologic epoch

Preserving critical habitat cannot curry favor with a stale God invented to control your ancestors

Creation Care, like its sibling Creationism, cannot be heard in the unified silence

Even the extreme sacrifice of your pickup for a tiny hybrid wont put you on the road to heaven

And what of the holocaust of the domestic animals that you had Him deem to lack so-called souls?

The power of your prayer will not bring back or save a single species from extinction

Your tiredly dogmatic religious brand cannot be re-packaged to co-opt ecological sustainability

You are not some warped image of your musty God, chosen to shepherd this random world

Your vain and literalist Creation Care is, at once, tearful, humorous and nauseating

But, Best of Luck!