No Time For Frogs

Cant help the cattle, wont save the redwoods, dont need them sissy robins

No money for clean air, cant aid cooped-up chickens, dont care about sick bees

Not fooling with emissions, no loans for poisoned orcas, dont want them boreal toads

Aint against clearcutting, wont fight over-population, not paying for junk science

Stopped cleaning up the rivers, not paying for proper disposal, dont care if it’s quiet

No time for wack orangs, wont buy carbon credits, dont believe in universal healthcare

Cant listen right now anyway, not adoptin no new lifestyles, done financing fixin highways

Pushing back against socialism, too busy to study history, not talking about any pig farms

Letting that Amazon go, dont ask for starry darkness, wont miss a few polar bears

No earmarks for amphibians, not a cent for snakes, no point to them monarch butterflies

Cant sponsor fat gorillas, Not lobbying for the thrifty, no time for earthworms

Not aiming for the sustainable, done listening to liberals, aint campaignin for safe food

No microloans for poor villagers, not striving for perfection, gave up freedom marching

Aint removing all the lead paint, wont stop that coral bleaching, passing on them yogas

Forgot about good soil, dont fret over ocean plastic, cant care for them chimp chumps

Not concerned by clearcut redwoods, passing on the pygmies, letting go of the lakes

Cant feed the poor, not subsidizing renewables, wont vote for arms reduction

Not restoring rivers for salmon, not makin room for grizzlies, no sympathy for wolves

No time for meditatin, dont pickup no litter, really just dont like books a bit

Dont care about good bridges, wont pay extra for clean coal, not looking at lazy wildflowers

No need of wilderness, too late for the albatross, too hurried to go take a walk

Get out with those bike trails, stop boring me with history, no bailout for the whales

No budget for flyways, wont pay for migration routes, not giving for rain forests

Too busy to preserve habitat, wont prevent overpopulation, no time for haggard refugees

Not backing orphan bonobos, just let the damn tuna go, no welfare for shiftless tigers

Not investing in lasting peace, just saying no to research, aint gonna go do the math

Wont embrace retreaded socialism, too tired to exercise, not giving up on fast food

Not guaranteeing privacy, no monies for prevention, not afraid of a little illiteracy

No funds for birth control, no time to sit and think, not afraid to just say ferget it

Not responsible for the future, wont underwrite recycling, no taxes for new sewers

no sympathy for green energy, don’t care about efficiency, not voting for good schools

not supporting teeny electric cars, pullin the plug on solar, no way we’re saving water

wont boycott tasty veal, dont sweat Chinese pollution, aint afraid of fake climate change

no stimulus for snow leopards, no place for sissies, not buying liberal pipe dreams

had enough of “Save the Trees”, don’t want to go in-depth, go away with going green

not flip-flopping on defense, wont embrace un-aborted children, ain’t got no time for frogs

Creeping Out

There creeping out and squeakin ther timid, whinin I told ya so’s

Sneakin by in them teeny used jap econo cars, they paid off so long ago

Bein real quiet fixin up they undersized fixed-rate homes all by theyselves

They’re cookin they own meals and stayin thin but seemin really nervous

Not drinkin pricey lattes or drivin out for lunch with they posse every day

Washin they own clothes and even hangin they towels outside on clotheslines

Walkin and ridin bicycles like the sissy girls they want us real men ta act just like

Cutting they emissions and savin on they energy costs, over there behint our backs

Beating our smoking snowmobiles into lamely quiet little green motor scooters

Askin us to tax and legalize them deviated buds theys always smokin

Payin off they credit cards each month without any finance chargis

Not even on their way towards high blood pressure, heart disease, strokes or diabetes

Creeping out after decades of what they call our scary wasteful foolishness

Trying to lead openly now by queer example instead of scuttling off to the side

Still stayin real quiet inside they downsized cribs and not even celebratin

Coming out among us in old clothes to buy parts to fix up they broken, repurposed, used shit

Even taking out their silly recycling mess right during the light of day

Filling up for a fourth of what we are pumping into our good ole giant diesel pickups

Carpoolin all like openly progressive together just to save a little CO2 and money

Not even callin on our ads for them big used Harleys with the payments so long overdue

Tiptoein right on by the exurban mega-church on they way to science classes

Havin fun conservin junk and enjoyin cutting down on what they think we waste

But still throwin lots of money away on organic vegies and grass-fed meats

Plannin on guttin out our great military to leave us open to foreign dEvE8s

Carryin they lame tofu and shit home in them filthy little cotton sacks

Squintin at the labels, checking out the calories, fat and additives and shit

Strappin wack expensive wind and solar junk up on toppa they well-insulated roovetops

Cutting off they lectrick crap at night to save a coupla pennies and some coal smoke

Startin to walk beside the roads even where we drive our SUVs and pickup trucks

Ain’t even bellyin up to the drive-thru line for shakes and fries and double bacon cheeseburgs

Whisperin something about health care starting with self-responsible pervention

Quietly lettin they nice lawns turn brown just to stop waterin and fertilizing and weed killin

Creeping out to the thrift stores stead of savin Chinese Big down ta the Wal*Mart

Tryin to like steal the motivation from the rich by redistributin they hard-earned wealth

Turning down they thermostats and wearin sweaters right in they squirrelly homes

Bitin at our heels on TV and shit then hightailin they green asses back to they tiny dens

I'm Higher Than Mommie

I’m sipping right along now with Mommie thru my little navel straw

Getting a real taste for her cool menthol cigarettes and that cheap lite beer

My tiny ears are pricking up hearing country music from underwater

I’d be really lightheaded if I wasn’t already floating so very freely

It’s warm and dark in here so I cant see the dirty modular where I’ll soon be living

Those piled up dirty dishes and filthy carpet do not bother me at all

Don’t know why I get all scared and nervous when my daddy gets to yelling

I’m higher than my Mommie is, cause she’s sharing everything equally with me

I can taste all the smells of the shrink-wrapped stuff down to our local Wal*Mart

The diesel exhaust from Daddy’s big old truck goes right into my fetal bloodstream

I like my coffee in the morning but it makes me weewee just like Mommie

I get my nutrients from white bread, hamburg and adulterated chinese vitamin pills

I’ll tell you what, my growing brain just loves that Crank as much as my scratchy Mommie

I knew that she was real upset when that last tooth fell out, but, hey, I aint got none, neither

Coming out real soon to crawl the welfare office floors just the same as she did

I would have cried when Daddy punched her but no one could have heard

Sometimes she feels me kicking for a little quiet, as they cackle on the couch at 4:00 AM

She takes me to work sometimes cleaning houses and I can taste the cleansers

When daddy and his friends get to shouting at the TV sports it scares me half to death

I try to roll over and hide my head, but I just have to depend totally on my Mommie

I’ve got pretty blue eyes and cute little fingers and I take in everything she does

I listen as my big sister wipes her dirty nose as it’s buried over me on Mommie’s lap

She don’t talk too well and no one knows why but she’s also short and overweight

But I’m still warm and safe and totally helpless here inside my beloved Mommie

It wasn’t much different for my Mommie or her Mommie going back a few generations

The drugs and environmental contaminants are different but our attitudes are still the same

We all started out just as perfect and as pink and as innocent as I remain right now

And I don’t know no better so my inescapable life will still be all like wondrous to me

The dingy walls that close in on her aren’t as nice as my safe place here in her tummy

She shelters me from the scabies, impetigo, bedbugs, roaches and nasty head lice

I’m picking up on TV though, cause it’s blaring through to me all the time

Sometimes when she lays wrong I don’t know it, but her obesity is squeezing me

I hear my grandma’s laughter morphing into a nicotine coughing fit just above my head

But by then my little world is spinning gently cause it’s finally time for bed

And my love is already smilingly unconditional for I am totally helpless and dependent

So, I’m higher than my Mommie is cause I’m younger, innocent and totally at her mercy

Bring On Them Libtards

Gonna whip some Snowflake ass!

Let’s see these skinny vegan dope smokers stand up to our smirking spin doctors

Yeah, come on you queer, yellow recyclers, just try and make us sort thru our garbage

Think you’ll make us pay 6 bucks a gallon to fill up our muscular diesel pickups?

Just step on out here and we’ll show you what these extra pounds can do to you

Try and make me eat that tough grass-fed beef and I’ll show you a thing or three

Come around here and I’ll hose you down with this stuff I spray on my kid’s lawn

Jest get in the road and I’ll dust your puny bicycle with my powerful Dodge Ram diesel

Which one of you don’t wanna bailout my maxed out credit cards and reset mortgage loan?

Your little friends don’t like my snowmobile, well, I say dammit, just bring em on

You’re against my OHV, step over here brother and I’ll wring your turkey neck

You want to take away my jet ski but I’m here to tell you what - I’ll fight for my rights

We’ll whip your green asses if you say we support terrorists with every tankful

They caint make us turn down our thermostats or turn off the stinkin lights and TV

We’ll proudly idle in the drive-thru line and eat bacon double cheeseburgers, all we please

We’re stayin with the NFL and NASCAR and you go shove that whatever World Cup

You keep your fuzzy research and we’ll stick with the true facts of Creation Science

We’ll take you to the mat for our right to cheap Chinese imports down to Wal*Mart

We’re pushin back hard on your bullshit about our overeating and never exercising

Let’s just chainsaw them trees they’re hugging with em still hanging up above

Push their girly faces down into the fat tire tracks we made in them useless, muddy wetlands

We’re gonna end this abortion murder and if need be, we’ll kill to get her done

We’ll impale them showy gays with pitchforks and burn them with our torches

Tired of pushy government women hangin up on us after theyre done tellin us what to do

Bring them sheetheads on over here and we’ll hunt them down fer varmint bounties

Just try and make us eat all like salads and we’ll punch out your pasty faces

We’re sick and tired of hearing about the evils of donuts and the glory of tofu

Hell yes, let’s drill everywhere sos we can drive around alone, making lots of noise

Ain’t ridin no buses, scooters are for kids and feck yer teeny-weenie lectric cars

No way we’re trying to touch our heads to our butts doin this bullshit, faggot yogi

Veggies and fruit may be OK fer kids but grownup men need good red meat with ever meal

Meditatin aint got nothing to do with jesus word my friend, so you can jest ferget it

You can have yer overpriced artesian loaves cause traditional families like soft white bread

Let’s stone their botoxed pushy feminist leaders down at the county fairgrounds, just fer fun

You think we fight wars of liberation just sos you can go socialize our healthcare system?

Won’t give up this struggle til they peel the remote out from my cold dead fingers

So bring em on and we’ll take em on here, just like we done over there in Whateverstan

Reinventing Ourselves For The Good New Jobs

You Could Be...

Programmers are bending themselves into grocery clerks going forward

So-called financial engineers should be snatching at secure jobs driving school buses

Web designers are strutting in their natty fast food uniforms

Physics graduates optimize sweeping patterns in their work as custodians

Shy mathematicians are re-inventing themselves as stockers down to Wal*Mart

Unneeded chemists are scheming to open up their own new brew pubs

Moping, unemployed newspaper writers futilely send their signal into the blogospheric void

Graying, downsized middle managers pass out identical resumes on every corner

Washed up autoworkers line up for full-time positions driving garbage trucks

Former roofers and framers look to re-invent themselves installing solar panels

Downcast Teamster container ship unloaders will become produce clerks, someday

With straight faces, liberal arts grads try to get hired on to redneck road-building crews

Quality assurance experts audit their own work cleaning toilets in convenience stores

Unemployed statisticians calculate their odds for success at professional blackjack

Burnt out, washed up teachers with no alternate careers shut down, but stay on

All those 45 and older are quickly cast aside and wordlessly encouraged just to die

Financial planners are now without the income streams needed to smother their own debt

Database administrators finally try to use their hands while studying to be paramedics

Laid off PR goddesses become consultants to other useless baggage trying to reinvent itself

Overextended real estate profiteers look for big scores in pyramid fat-burning scams

Unread resumes clog vast networks of pathetically over-eager former executives

Hapless retail attempts by entrepreneurial laid-off accountants die in record time

Ex-project leaders learn to live with being laughed at by fellow Home Depot stockers

Run down car salesmen start peddling reverse equity home scams to seniors

Cast off nannies make the long trek back to Guatemala without a dime of severance pay

Mestizo vaqueros in dusty baseball caps find no more labor and shuffle back towards home

Merged and downsized bankers cynically scheme to make it as credit counselors

Environmental activists try to get on with coal companies as public spokesmen

Moving firms reinvent themselves emptying abandoned, foreclosed McMansions

300 pencil-necked ex-loan originators apply for a single firefighting position

100000 returning war vets are laid off just as soon as permitted by federal law

Cute former cosmetic sales girls learn to turn a few tricks for rent and food

Stock brokers feverishly search the internet for another golden egg of greed

Soccer moms are forced to morph into gas clerks in oversized checkered shirts

Off-shored Customer Support personnel enjoy painting houses and mowing lawns

But, at last, those bottom-feeding military and priesthood recruiters gin up a few new bodies

Building Millions Of Identical Dream Homes

Doors slamming and horns blowing, echoed in hoarsely shouted, cursing repetition

Harsh laughing over un-muffled engines roaring, punctuated by metal beating

Brakes screeching and alarms beeping, dirty men gunning belchingly-inefficient motors

Nailers pounding after saws shriek as the lumber is falling with painful groaning

Dirt drying and worms dying under the trash dumped into slimy excavations

Trees not cut but simply bulldozed and bushes driven over, time and again

Men toughened by the sun and from the unsightly destruction they call construction

Weeds and litter springing up in a muddy tribute to the wonders of their good work

Crazily, the wastes of their noble creation are so great as to require giant dumpsters

Horrible music spiced with cheap fast food is stuffed into the dirty faces of unkempt heads

Compressors beat themselves to death as their old-time gasoline motors clatter

Men driven by simple thoughts of cold beer, lounge chairs and big-screen sports TV

Expensive but crooked knot-hole ridden lumber laying about awaiting resurrection

Artificially-honorable livings earned, to feed simple but crude workingman illusions

Timelines missed, mistakes ignored, costs illegally cut but prices raised in any case

On this site a memoriam to waste and filth and greed: This is all patriotic and blessed by god

Their trash and urine built into the foundations of some good mommie’s dream home

The same oft-made mistakes covered up, but still unsafe, on this latest job as well

Materials pilfered by the crew are quietly replaced with castoff scraps of lesser quality

Cabinets scratched or plumbing broken by the ham-handed are reported as freight losses

Men surly and late-arriving to not-even-showing, hung over, missing sleep and way in debt

They belch acidly like dyspeptic frogs croaking for that good old cheap caffeine

Their smoking butts tossed thoughtlessly into their deeply senseless drying mud truck tracks

Tobacco-blackened lungs hacking green morning wads onto the shattered ground

Swelled with horny pride by the smelly but inert gas of twangy TV spin doctors

Getting into fights and quitting, breaking shit on purpose and muttering obscenities

Conquering the work site wasteland in their pathetically-juvenile, loud pickup trucks

Farting in each other’s faces and laughing as more of their filthy, yellow teeth fall out

Crushing coke cans into the dead earth with manly boots made by tiny Chinese women

Reflexively swelling with warlike pride pumped from cagey 30 second neo-con sound bites

From this site they laugh at the wrecks they erected across the street just 10 years ago

Shouts straining to overcome their groaning machinery as it dispatches their new prey

Creating jobs to fund mindless recreation, overeating, beer and cheap plastic imports

Earning their keep, maintaining their pride and playing their role in our great progress

And the earth lays gouged, gashed and ignored somewhere under their new rubble

Our dull but brute strength screamingly pounds out another good family’s happily ever after

That Anti-Merican Evil Weed

    That’s why they call it dope…’D.O.dubya.P.’                 

They’ll be smoking dope on every doorstep and then goin out and bustin crimes

Brain-damaged and chromosome-scrambled by that there pungent demon herb

Stealing guns and robbing mothers and startin yer children off on the stuff fer free

Gettin lost in all like sexual preversion fer days at a time and not doin any real work

Fergettin about pertectin our country and babblin on about peace and love and hope and shit

Losin they jobs after getting all unperductive and way too lazy to even work anymore

Spendin too much time just settin there smoking pot and heading straight on to heroin

Blinded by the dope from horrible incurable cancers coming not too far down their road

Givin up good old Budweiser fer some damn organic BC Bud and sissy-ass fruit smoothies

Just turning off honest country music as them terrorists surround our virtuous homeland

Joinin up with them damn vegans in a wack crusade to treat cows like they was humans

Buyin funny hybrid cars and rancid organic vegies like it was some decent way of life

Afraid to grasp the nice smooth blue steel guns that are our patriotic heritage

Tryin to outlaw our loud diesel mufflers cause the noise bothers they doped up ears

Laying in the flowers by the river, just lisenin to the crazy shit in their heads

All caught up and taken over by this devilish weed, that very flower of the anti-christ

Turnin our sweet young daughters into filthy mindless stealing crack whores – Overnight!

Causin our own sons to question their duty to blindly go off and die overseas for god and country

Sweet jesus we got ta draw the line at last against this terrible liberal social decay

Why they’re even wantin certified organic reefer that’s all like taxed and regelated

Shit, they get so stoned they almost nod off and then they just sleep away the night

Get all like chickenshit and don’t want to go out to the bars, looking forward to a fight

Set there drawin, writin, playin sissy music and readin stead of ridin noisy dirtbikes

Why theyre like hiking and skiin insteada flailin ATVs, jetskis and snowmobiles

Fuckin jerkoffs are totally addicted but theyre just full of all kina fairytale denial

That hobbit hole Pipe and Bud Tea House is a real threat to our beloved filthy taverns

Yup, their brains are rottin and their teeth are fallin out, but they just will not see

It’s another sinful plague aimed straight at Jesus’ Word and our sacred Traditional Family ValuesÔ

These dope fiends have lost the angry energy they need in our dog-eat-dog society

They spend they time in drugged out dreams about gettin somethin fer doin nethin

Always takin off they shoes and shit, kinda smiling and talking way too slow

Caint even see how far they strayed from the paved path of righteousness that we walk

So damn out there they won’t stop to watch pro football or even NASCAR with the family

Content just to let the abortionists, gays and women libbers chip away at all our rights

Pretty soon they'll be wantin to advertise this heathen poison in magazines and on TV

Gotta rear up and stop this evil dope plague for the good of the country, in the name of god

Gettin ‘Merica Great Again

Gotta bring back cheap and really smoky diesel fuel for our honest, thrifty working men

Then they’ll be tradin up again to even further upside-down leases on even bigger pickups

Get em back to belchin smoke from good loud mufflers with that same patriotic pride

Stead of sneakin around like tree huggers with eggs beneath their gas pedals

We’ll refinance their houses for them and flush away those negative savings

Gonna give traditional families a place to draw out more unearned cash from china

All them re-financing deals should kick start our most innovative credit finance industry

And the realtors can start runnin up house prices for fat commissions once again

We’ll ditch this cockamamie greenhouse crap to protect our fragile economic recovery

No more bullshit about saving the planet because, look, people’s jobs are on the line here

Forget this sustainablility scam if it involves even the slightest expense or inconvenience

Get the asians ta slap them peasants in line cause we need more cheap imported junk

We’ll get these whatever Ārabs straightened out even if it takes a coupla lifetimes

A few hundred billion dollars each and every year ought to do the trick - Someday

Pretty soon a few of those like free elections will bring them heathens all like McDonalds and stuff

Our boys aren’t dyin in vain even if it has just been all wrong from start to finish

Bringing back the days when we just shoved it all into the trash and straight out the door

No more stupid packin and sorting through the garbage for them numbnut greenies

If they want it, they can pay me for it and come here and dive thru our dumpster to get it

Cause once it’s paid for, it’s mine to simply toss away and get on with traditional family life

Nowadays they aint no need to spend money on clean water since we all drink ours outta bottles

The kids can just go down to the pool if they want to go swimming in the summer

I never have time to go fishin anymore and the wife likes it better down to Red Lobster

Anyway, we can still get out on the boats and jetskis as long as we don’t get wet

Them good new jobs atomorra created after we all got outsourced are comin in real soon now, too

We’ll all be contributin to the consumer economy in our new service sector positions

Everybody’ll have good health benefits and a free retirement fund to draw from - Early

Yup, we’ll all be working on computer doin some kinda hi-tech financial services and shit

Coal is gonna give us a smoky, grimy-devastated, but energy-independent homeland

Honest patriot lobbyists will sacrifice sos we can crank up the uninsulated heat all winter long

We can point to the slag heaps and the dirty air and really be able to see our progress

Settin a lonely brave example for the developin world against that vast socialist CO2 conspiracy

We’ll cut taxes but hike defense spending and keep ignoring the whatever deterioratin infrastructure

Strappin on them fiscal cables for another jumpstart and bendin over for the next kickstart

Cause we really cant solve any other problems if the blessed economy has gone south

We’re gonna get back on track real soon now using creative, god-fearing entrepreneurism

It Aint Gonna Happen

We aint gonna reduce no emissions cept when all the fuel’s done been burnt up

Them heroes in Detroit wont ever build no successful alternative energy cars

We’ll always treat them cows, chickens and pigs like they was mining resources

Haf-neked africans are always gonna be starving, fightin and dyin from awful diseases

Nobodys ever gonna make you sort out them greasy recycles from your useless garbage

Listen, all them charismatic mega-fauna are gonna have ta jest make way fer progress

We’ll never have the resources ta clean up the lakes and rivers, much less them oceans

But we’ll always have more money we can spend on finding new ways to kill each other better

We just caint implement no socialist solutions to these here pressing healthcare issues

Might as well get used ta climate change cause we got more important economic needs

We’ll never admit that our sheer fool numbers are at the very roota everonea our biggest problems

Look, yer kids jest don’t have a brighter future than your senile damn grampaw did

You aint gonna start savin and you’ll always have to work – but look - there wont be no jobs fer ya

The salmon ain’t comin back and the grizzlies don’t got no place among us

They ain’t no heaven and jesus word aint worth even one of the wars that it’s caused

You aint cuttin down on eatin and yer blood pressure and sugar will stay way too high

All them phony sports aint gonna help when yer lying there covered with tubes and bedsores

Yer pointy little breast implants will look real stupid when yer 80 and all like shriveled up

Those lame tattoos will fade on topa age spots, ugly wrinkles and layers of fat

You’ll be snoring thru yer damn nose ring, wondering why they still cant see you’re special

You wont ever take the time, even if you could understand above their 3^rd grade level spin

They aint gonna re-open that free ATM you thought your house would always be

You wont ever pay off the negative savings you got stored up on your damn credit cards

They ain’t no better jobs coming to replace them onesa yers they sent off ta china

Actually, your kids don’t have exceptional potential and they caint be bothered to work hard either

It ain’t gonna make any more sense when you’re being nursed by low waged immigrants

Yer so-called personal savior is just another nutritionally-empty but high-calorie concoction

Actually, ya see, they won’t have found a cure for that yet, when you do finally get it

Obese pickups and giant SUVs aren’t goin away any more than you are, fat boy, LOL

Never gonna stop their sacred public access on snowmobiles, ATVs and fatass jet skis

Aint no way we’ll save one tree if it costs us any jobs, money or cunvenience

They wont start exercising and eating sensibly, why thats fer frickin bird watchers

You fekin liberal environmental wackos ain’t never gonna ruieen this great landa the free

Jobs and cash will always win til nature slaps us down inta some dark and polluted stone age

Them bankers and financiers caint lead us out of the mess they got rich getting us into

It aint never gonna happen and you aint waltzin off fer free ta some cockamamie heaven

We Just Caint Ruin It All

We aint gonna be able to kill off all the different songbirds before we’re all done here

A few frogs and such will find a way to barely scrape by until we’re dead and gone

There’ll still be a couple small hardwoods left to repopulate the once-great hardwood forests

Try as we might we wont be able to strip the oceans bare of every single bit of life

Might even be 1 or 2 other primates left when we’re done slaughtering each other

Won’t kill off all the cats everywhere, and buddy, you can bet they’ll radiate once again

Why, there could be several little whales or dolphins left to evolve one more time

Won’t get the chance to slash and burn every bit of that complex rain forest canopy

Betcha that not all those million northern lakes will lie poisoned and dead from our actions

Not every single river will be nothing more than a canalized open sewer, but we’ll try

There’ll still be a couple un-bulldozed meadows when we are caught, surprised, in our acts

Our random gratuitous high-decibel noise will even end, though we will not hear the following quiet

No amount of our poisons will eradicate all the insects before our time has passed

Why there’ll even be a few oil deposits we’ll still be working when we’re interrupted

We’ll all be gone long before we can slash and settle that entire vast boreal belt

Won’t be around long enough to wipe out all major life forms with our global warming

Can’t even make scars on the earth that last more than one short geological epoch

Won’t have time to turn the entire atmosphere the dingy brown of our so-called great cities

Will not need to recycle before it’s way too late to make even the slightest difference

There’ll still be any number of heathen non-believers among the last ones of us to die off

It’ll be impossible for us to kill each other all off before the earth stops supporting the rest of us

Not any of that silent wisdom will have disappeared before we are gone, once and for all time

These death throes cannot even hope to perturb the vast life force of the universe

This desecration of ours cannot ever rival the catastrophe of a good-sized meteor impact

We’ll never get Antarctica warmed up enough to settle before moving on for good

We cannot notice that the undefined cannot be affected by our senseless fiddling

All our pointless piddling cannot disturb the inescapable event horizon of the void

Even our unthinkable all-out nuclear war would not put an end to all life on this earth

Won’t have a chance to even give a proper burial to the last of our own corpses

There’s no possibility of our dirty seed spreading beyond this once-blessed blue planet

We cannot poison all the soil with the strip mines we blithely turn and walk away from

Can’t quite get the branch that still supports us sawed completely off before we take a fatal fall

There’ll still be good new military hardware rusting for a while when we’re gone

They’ll have unpaid loans and credit cards and shopping to do even as the bills stop coming

Future generations wont get to see this generous world which we could not quite destroy

Caint ruin everything before our good work comes at last to it’s well-deserved fruition

For Real Heartland Consumer Sacrifice

Well, I’ll give up my drive-thru lunch a coupla days each week

Just sos that I can take the OHV out with the boys on Saturday afternoon

I can get the old lady to cook shit out of cans or maybe even from like raw stuff

Instead of nuking up them pricey microwave dinners that we really like

Turning off the diesel sometimes instead of idling in air-conditioned comfort

Just to save a teeny bit of that there artificially expensive fuel

Adjusted my thermostat even though the kids just set there whining

Had to make some changes cause the bill’s gone through the roof

Gonna turn off the big screen when we’re not at home and maybe unplug it at night

Damn electric keeps on going up every single month

Ta hell with that fancypants overpriced organic shit

My kids’ll do just fine on white bread and them plastic-coated, factory-extruded hamburg logs

Look, I’m even walking all the way back out to the stinkin mailbox

Drivin to grammaws instead of flyin - Which I hated anyway

Cant afford to trade in my 2 year old SUV even if it does only get 10 MPG

So, but now I’m tryin to drive less than 20 thousand miles a year

Cutting back to generic cookies and not watching so many pay-per-views

That liberal climate conspiracy is costing us all a whole lot of money every day

The old lady’s not getting botoxed and her toenails got the colora yella baby shit

Gotta start savin somewhere, so first I cut out that stupid fitness center I never go to

It’s for sure we won’t be attendin that awesome church ski vacation this year

But we’ll still be able to ride our jet skis a few weekends out to the lake

Wonderin about this family plan that costs $200 a month for a coupla phones

After all I just spent 600 bucks on school sneakers the kids tore up in a week

Have to share less quality time with my boys now that bullets are $4 each

I’ll make it up to them though, at home playing them shooter video games together

Switching credit cards to get a lower rate for at least the next six months

Oughta free up some extry cash for when our mortgage rate resets again

Cuttin back on pert near everything just like they slashed my job and downsized my life

But still got enough time to catch NASCAR and the good old NFL on the bigscreen with a cold one

However, not gonna enjoy them growlin snow machines as often since they was repossessed

Waitin for the real belt-tightenin ta begin since them tax and spenders are in control

Cut out the produce and the fruits too - sos we could still have chips, cokes and Budweiser

Only seein the frickin ripoff dentist again when I cant stand the pain no more

Gotdamm dogs’ll have to get by cause they ain’t going to the vet again this year, either

Look - We’re makin some real sacrifices up in the heartland for the good of family, god and country

That Threatenen' Wacko Agenda

Pushing to tax the word of Christ like it was some kinda giant pyramid scheme

Promoting an end to burnin honest Clean Coal for a life in the cold and fearful dark

Putting trees, birds, fish and like clean air up front of families, jobs and christian values

Want us all eating that slimy soft tofu instead of good old supersize cheese fries

They’ll give your kids hands-on sex education, even before they learn to read

Said real hot water washing and nice clothes dryers are horribly evil polluters

Trying to make us turn down our thermostats and pull on some old itchy sweaters

Sponsoring some crazy bill to regulate barbecue and even lawnmower emissions

Lobbying to put the rights of cows and pigs above the price needs of decent consumers

Opposed to credit card bailouts meant to bring relief to us honest working families

Wantin us all eatin shriveled up organic muffins instead of hearty krispykremes

Would have us all smoking that dope sos we forget all about their elitist policies

Don’t like your nice green lawn and aim to close up all the golf courses

They’d like to force you to pick through dirty trash for junk they say needs recycled

Stoppin outside developers from bringing us in them good new construction jobs

Wantin to limit the size of your house and how much electricity you can use

Tryin to shove abortion, gay marriage and school prayer into the background

Foistin their tired, failed socialist universal healthcare schemes on us once again

Pushin fool laws to take away our sacred right to bear arms

Gonna even tax you for those few extry pounds that make you look real husky

Makin you quiet down your pickups and Harleys sos they can hear the stupid birds

Bannin your blazin security nightlights cause they want to save energy and see whatever stars

Forcin real sacrifice on families just to set an example in their fool greenhouse gas scam

Corrupting our children’s morals with their godless fuzzy science and junk maths

Want you to pass a test and get a license to have kids even though our God says to be fruitful

Plan on gutting our military and leaving us open to all kind of evil foreign terror

These wackos target our traditional lifestyle with that job-killing, costly hoax of climate change

Why they even want you to carry groceries on a bicycle like some frickin peasant

Out to make Big Gulps more expensive and ban double meat bacon cheeseburgers

Sayin Cheetos are unhealthy and Mountain Dew’s got too much sugar and caffeine

Don’t even want you throwing out fast food cups and bags and all that other messy shit

They’re wantin to tighten up on credit is threatenin our hallowed consumer lifestyle

Don’t even recognize the sanctity of the NFL or the importance of NASCAR to our way of life

Wanting to steal our relaxation and comfort and turn us all into pencilneck vegans

Their nutcake ideas are costing us real money, jobs and convenience every day

That wacko agenda is eroding our traditional family way of life, even as we pray