Creeping Out

There creeping out and squeakin ther timid, whinin I told ya so’s

Sneakin by in them teeny used jap econo cars, they paid off so long ago

Bein real quiet fixin up they undersized fixed-rate homes all by theyselves

They’re cookin they own meals and stayin thin but seemin really nervous

Not drinkin pricey lattes or drivin out for lunch with they posse every day

Washin they own clothes and even hangin they towels outside on clotheslines

Walkin and ridin bicycles like the sissy girls they want us real men ta act just like

Cutting they emissions and savin on they energy costs, over there behint our backs

Beating our smoking snowmobiles into lamely quiet little green motor scooters

Askin us to tax and legalize them deviated buds theys always smokin

Payin off they credit cards each month without any finance chargis

Not even on their way towards high blood pressure, heart disease, strokes or diabetes

Creeping out after decades of what they call our scary wasteful foolishness

Trying to lead openly now by queer example instead of scuttling off to the side

Still stayin real quiet inside they downsized cribs and not even celebratin

Coming out among us in old clothes to buy parts to fix up they broken, repurposed, used shit

Even taking out their silly recycling mess right during the light of day

Filling up for a fourth of what we are pumping into our good ole giant diesel pickups

Carpoolin all like openly progressive together just to save a little CO2 and money

Not even callin on our ads for them big used Harleys with the payments so long overdue

Tiptoein right on by the exurban mega-church on they way to science classes

Havin fun conservin junk and enjoyin cutting down on what they think we waste

But still throwin lots of money away on organic vegies and grass-fed meats

Plannin on guttin out our great military to leave us open to foreign dEvE8s

Carryin they lame tofu and shit home in them filthy little cotton sacks

Squintin at the labels, checking out the calories, fat and additives and shit

Strappin wack expensive wind and solar junk up on toppa they well-insulated roovetops

Cutting off they lectrick crap at night to save a coupla pennies and some coal smoke

Startin to walk beside the roads even where we drive our SUVs and pickup trucks

Ain’t even bellyin up to the drive-thru line for shakes and fries and double bacon cheeseburgs

Whisperin something about health care starting with self-responsible pervention

Quietly lettin they nice lawns turn brown just to stop waterin and fertilizing and weed killin

Creeping out to the thrift stores stead of savin Chinese Big down ta the Wal*Mart

Tryin to like steal the motivation from the rich by redistributin they hard-earned wealth

Turning down they thermostats and wearin sweaters right in they squirrelly homes

Bitin at our heels on TV and shit then hightailin they green asses back to they tiny dens

In My Staunchly-Conservative Christian Heart

In my heart I just know we have the best healthcare system in the whole entire world

Years of prayer have forged in me a belief that religious fanatics must be stopped

Deep inside, something tells me they are poor because they are both inferior and lazy

Our Traditional Family ValuesÔ are so deeply ingrained I never question where they come from

I take it on faith that abortion and gay marriage are weighty government social issues

For me, talking with my savior yields guilt-free and forever unquestionable decisions

I know in my heart that Social Darwinism is god’s chosen way and that I am an exceptionist survivor

The defense industry’s bogeyman message reverberates in me with a frightening ring of truth

In my heart I know they’ll create better new jobs – just as soon as they export all our old ones

I can believe simultaneously in personal responsibility and deficit bailout spending

Of course I should save, but social security is rightfully funded by pay as you go

The core values she instilled in me, drive me to visit my Mother once a week at the nursing home

My gut tells me that we cannot ever afford to go soft on defense, like those squishy liberals

Just looking at them, I know these precious children of mine will someday lead the world

Something deep within me whispers that our Savior must take a leading role in our governance

It is our sacred ancient belief that the government should remain forever outside of business

In my heart, the traditional values of jobs and money prevail over such as idle tree-hugging

I never question that many generations to come will shop and be entertained much as we do

Surely it is unequivocally right for our leaders to bid that God Bless America after every speech

Our collective wisdom warns that worn-out failed socialist programs should never be revived

I don’t need junk science or fuzzy math to know climate change is simply a costly con job

The wisdom of our forbearers guides us, though events 10 years ago are irrelevant history

I harbor deep-seated suspicions about resurrecting those failed liberal policies of the past

Litmus wedge issues vibrate in my heart, ringing with importance and self-evident truth

Well certainly, I know from their ads that our food supply is safe, humane and sustainable

It’s obvious to me that they’ll have found inexpensive alternatives once all the oil is gone

My heart knows that retaining focus on the current quarter’s GDP ensures all of our futures

I just know that invisible corporate leaders are selflessly charting a wise course for us all

I take on faith the dictum that no one has the right to limit our number of children

Our clear role as god’s fruitful stewards is to triage the natural world based solely upon our needs

Anyone can see that turning boggy, insect-ridden wetlands into suburbs is real progress

Externalities like air, water and habitat are simply no concern of government or business

Yes, I accept the need for hands-off bailouts based on the dire warnings of our leaders

Their knowing smirks and dismissive laughter strike true chords deep inside my heart

It is self-evident that we require neither expense nor sacrifice to stay our noble course

I am warmed by my certainty that our god has blessed only us, His one and only chosen people

Bring On Them Libtards

Gonna whip some Snowflake ass!

Let’s see these skinny vegan dope smokers stand up to our smirking spin doctors

Yeah, come on you queer, yellow recyclers, just try and make us sort thru our garbage

Think you’ll make us pay 6 bucks a gallon to fill up our muscular diesel pickups?

Just step on out here and we’ll show you what these extra pounds can do to you

Try and make me eat that tough grass-fed beef and I’ll show you a thing or three

Come around here and I’ll hose you down with this stuff I spray on my kid’s lawn

Jest get in the road and I’ll dust your puny bicycle with my powerful Dodge Ram diesel

Which one of you don’t wanna bailout my maxed out credit cards and reset mortgage loan?

Your little friends don’t like my snowmobile, well, I say dammit, just bring em on

You’re against my OHV, step over here brother and I’ll wring your turkey neck

You want to take away my jet ski but I’m here to tell you what - I’ll fight for my rights

We’ll whip your green asses if you say we support terrorists with every tankful

They caint make us turn down our thermostats or turn off the stinkin lights and TV

We’ll proudly idle in the drive-thru line and eat bacon double cheeseburgers, all we please

We’re stayin with the NFL and NASCAR and you go shove that whatever World Cup

You keep your fuzzy research and we’ll stick with the true facts of Creation Science

We’ll take you to the mat for our right to cheap Chinese imports down to Wal*Mart

We’re pushin back hard on your bullshit about our overeating and never exercising

Let’s just chainsaw them trees they’re hugging with em still hanging up above

Push their girly faces down into the fat tire tracks we made in them useless, muddy wetlands

We’re gonna end this abortion murder and if need be, we’ll kill to get her done

We’ll impale them showy gays with pitchforks and burn them with our torches

Tired of pushy government women hangin up on us after theyre done tellin us what to do

Bring them sheetheads on over here and we’ll hunt them down fer varmint bounties

Just try and make us eat all like salads and we’ll punch out your pasty faces

We’re sick and tired of hearing about the evils of donuts and the glory of tofu

Hell yes, let’s drill everywhere sos we can drive around alone, making lots of noise

Ain’t ridin no buses, scooters are for kids and feck yer teeny-weenie lectric cars

No way we’re trying to touch our heads to our butts doin this bullshit, faggot yogi

Veggies and fruit may be OK fer kids but grownup men need good red meat with ever meal

Meditatin aint got nothing to do with jesus word my friend, so you can jest ferget it

You can have yer overpriced artesian loaves cause traditional families like soft white bread

Let’s stone their botoxed pushy feminist leaders down at the county fairgrounds, just fer fun

You think we fight wars of liberation just sos you can go socialize our healthcare system?

Won’t give up this struggle til they peel the remote out from my cold dead fingers

So bring em on and we’ll take em on here, just like we done over there in Whateverstan

The Baby Boomer Legacy

Prodigiously wasted precious, non-renewable energy without the slightest consideration

Cloned endless farmland, coastline and forest into identical suburbs and cheap strip malls

Sent engineering jobs to Japan, production to China and customer support to India

Passed laws to protect the environment but cut backroom deals so as not to fund them

Unquestioningly threw away more money on defense than all other developed countries combined

Sent mom and dad off to the mercy of low-wage, franchised, contract, foreign attendants

Never saved a nickel but demanded free health insurance and a fat retirement pension

Expected safe food even as I flooded my own lawn with pesticides and fertilizers

Smirkingly spun and marginalized as wackos those who dared to question our agenda

Stepped safely away from the mortgage on that thrice Re-Fied, shoddily-built McMansion

Shook my head in disbelief at the environmental mess the Chinese made producing our cheap goods

Gave my kids every opportunity to become obese and diabetic - Even younger than I did

Sustained multi-generational poverty by simply managing to always look the other way

Unconsciously belched out tons of climate-warming CO2 on countless, very pointless little trips

Turned sleepy backwaters into artificially-overpriced, family adventure resort communities

Left my inflated healthcare bills in the laps of my spoiled and ignorant children

Burnt up all the easy-to-grab fossil fuels and left the roads and bridges in ruins

Stayed utterly silent and permitted human population to increase to the crashing point

Institutionalized snowmobiles, jetskis, ATVs and 50’ RVs as valid forms of wreckreation

Deftly ignored the holocaust from which our meat emerged, so safe and very shrink-wrapped

Stored billions of tons of recyclables under toxic landfill goo - to be mined by those yet to come

Wasted irreplaceable fossil aquifer water growing indigestible grain to tenderize our meat

Disinterestedly stood by as big energy devastated anywhere it pleased, in the name of cheap energy

Convinced our clueless kids that they were special and that they would surely rule the world

Brought god into the government but vowed to keep its nose out of our commerce

Replaced climax old-growth forests with a corporately-managed, monoculture investments

Re-introduced the wolf but extinguished the songbirds, reptiles, fish and amphibians

Flushed a giant dead zone down the chanellized Mississippi into our once-fruitful Gulf

Sacrificed my ideals to media hypnosis after each long day of pointless toil, under nitwits

Schemed to preserve the beings we wiped out in the wild in sterile zoos and laboratories

Replaced home cooking with fast-food, take out and frozen microwave dinners

Drove up the price of each toney new seafood item until it was harvested into extinction

Used credit cards as an income source and then squalled loudly for relief from the unfairness

Alienated the entire world and caused the teeming global poor to attack us everywhere

Always stopped to smell the roses and lived for today and wished our kids good luck

Rode on, convinced that my insular, fundamentalist, creationist faith would protect me, forevermore

Gettin ‘Merica Great Again

Gotta bring back cheap and really smoky diesel fuel for our honest, thrifty working men

Then they’ll be tradin up again to even further upside-down leases on even bigger pickups

Get em back to belchin smoke from good loud mufflers with that same patriotic pride

Stead of sneakin around like tree huggers with eggs beneath their gas pedals

We’ll refinance their houses for them and flush away those negative savings

Gonna give traditional families a place to draw out more unearned cash from china

All them re-financing deals should kick start our most innovative credit finance industry

And the realtors can start runnin up house prices for fat commissions once again

We’ll ditch this cockamamie greenhouse crap to protect our fragile economic recovery

No more bullshit about saving the planet because, look, people’s jobs are on the line here

Forget this sustainablility scam if it involves even the slightest expense or inconvenience

Get the asians ta slap them peasants in line cause we need more cheap imported junk

We’ll get these whatever Ārabs straightened out even if it takes a coupla lifetimes

A few hundred billion dollars each and every year ought to do the trick - Someday

Pretty soon a few of those like free elections will bring them heathens all like McDonalds and stuff

Our boys aren’t dyin in vain even if it has just been all wrong from start to finish

Bringing back the days when we just shoved it all into the trash and straight out the door

No more stupid packin and sorting through the garbage for them numbnut greenies

If they want it, they can pay me for it and come here and dive thru our dumpster to get it

Cause once it’s paid for, it’s mine to simply toss away and get on with traditional family life

Nowadays they aint no need to spend money on clean water since we all drink ours outta bottles

The kids can just go down to the pool if they want to go swimming in the summer

I never have time to go fishin anymore and the wife likes it better down to Red Lobster

Anyway, we can still get out on the boats and jetskis as long as we don’t get wet

Them good new jobs atomorra created after we all got outsourced are comin in real soon now, too

We’ll all be contributin to the consumer economy in our new service sector positions

Everybody’ll have good health benefits and a free retirement fund to draw from - Early

Yup, we’ll all be working on computer doin some kinda hi-tech financial services and shit

Coal is gonna give us a smoky, grimy-devastated, but energy-independent homeland

Honest patriot lobbyists will sacrifice sos we can crank up the uninsulated heat all winter long

We can point to the slag heaps and the dirty air and really be able to see our progress

Settin a lonely brave example for the developin world against that vast socialist CO2 conspiracy

We’ll cut taxes but hike defense spending and keep ignoring the whatever deterioratin infrastructure

Strappin on them fiscal cables for another jumpstart and bendin over for the next kickstart

Cause we really cant solve any other problems if the blessed economy has gone south

We’re gonna get back on track real soon now using creative, god-fearing entrepreneurism

That Threatenen' Wacko Agenda

Pushing to tax the word of Christ like it was some kinda giant pyramid scheme

Promoting an end to burnin honest Clean Coal for a life in the cold and fearful dark

Putting trees, birds, fish and like clean air up front of families, jobs and christian values

Want us all eating that slimy soft tofu instead of good old supersize cheese fries

They’ll give your kids hands-on sex education, even before they learn to read

Said real hot water washing and nice clothes dryers are horribly evil polluters

Trying to make us turn down our thermostats and pull on some old itchy sweaters

Sponsoring some crazy bill to regulate barbecue and even lawnmower emissions

Lobbying to put the rights of cows and pigs above the price needs of decent consumers

Opposed to credit card bailouts meant to bring relief to us honest working families

Wantin us all eatin shriveled up organic muffins instead of hearty krispykremes

Would have us all smoking that dope sos we forget all about their elitist policies

Don’t like your nice green lawn and aim to close up all the golf courses

They’d like to force you to pick through dirty trash for junk they say needs recycled

Stoppin outside developers from bringing us in them good new construction jobs

Wantin to limit the size of your house and how much electricity you can use

Tryin to shove abortion, gay marriage and school prayer into the background

Foistin their tired, failed socialist universal healthcare schemes on us once again

Pushin fool laws to take away our sacred right to bear arms

Gonna even tax you for those few extry pounds that make you look real husky

Makin you quiet down your pickups and Harleys sos they can hear the stupid birds

Bannin your blazin security nightlights cause they want to save energy and see whatever stars

Forcin real sacrifice on families just to set an example in their fool greenhouse gas scam

Corrupting our children’s morals with their godless fuzzy science and junk maths

Want you to pass a test and get a license to have kids even though our God says to be fruitful

Plan on gutting our military and leaving us open to all kind of evil foreign terror

These wackos target our traditional lifestyle with that job-killing, costly hoax of climate change

Why they even want you to carry groceries on a bicycle like some frickin peasant

Out to make Big Gulps more expensive and ban double meat bacon cheeseburgers

Sayin Cheetos are unhealthy and Mountain Dew’s got too much sugar and caffeine

Don’t even want you throwing out fast food cups and bags and all that other messy shit

They’re wantin to tighten up on credit is threatenin our hallowed consumer lifestyle

Don’t even recognize the sanctity of the NFL or the importance of NASCAR to our way of life

Wanting to steal our relaxation and comfort and turn us all into pencilneck vegans

Their nutcake ideas are costing us real money, jobs and convenience every day

That wacko agenda is eroding our traditional family way of life, even as we pray

Marginalize Their Greedy Squeals

Cast out the amoral animals who for so long have set the agenda that led us into this mess

Throw out the fools who invented these various greedy, non-renewable ponzi pyramids

Go back to the best of the past and meld it to the New Green

Kick out those so-called free market, bulldoze-and-run, copy-and-paste developers

Because now they’ve had their 50 years of gluttonous and uncurbed, wanton destruction

Bring back respect and love for simply sustaining the earth and its treasures

Give up the worship of blind greed that has stolen so much without even paying interest

Root out the lie that it all must come down to the money, every single goddamn time

Wake up the financial innovators still caught in their wrung-out, unregulated NeoCon MLM schemes

Finally, even give peace a try, now that they have had their violent way for far too long

Bring back the dreams they so long have scornfully rejected without even a fair hearing

Their time is over now, so take a look around and simply review their accomplishments

Brush aside those who for too many years have labeled you as simple and foolish idealists

For they’ve starred too long in this show that has resulted in a dirty and unsustainable mess

Don’t bother to fight them, let’s just everybody move out quietly and head the other way

Forget their smash and grab, waste for today, foolishly noisy, selfish rationalizations

Get back in tune with the ancient song of the earth they still find so goddamn silly

Leave them to their phony memoirs but never forget their very real and very destructive lessons

Get them out of the way now, but not out of our history books

Quietly ignore their constant self-abusive hurry, anger, stress, noise and worry

Even bring back a bit from the sixties and we shall try to overcome, once again

Don’t struggle against them but don’t bother listening to them anymore, either

Ease them from power, leave them stewing inside their expensive locked and gated compounds

Clean up their messes, get on the right path and simply don’t let them do it again

Turn off their reasonless noisemakers and recycle their foolish gas-powered toys

Now we’ve seen their results and it’s time to straighten up and get started on our own

Go about your good business and leave them to strangle alone in phony suits and ties

Marginalize them with an overwhelming kindness and a smilingly-smothering concern

Herd them safely together like 1^st graders, in their own simple but noisy confusion

They had their best shot but now have walked away, tasking us with rescuing the future

Let a billion small voices overcome their scripted and poisonous corporate sound bites

Allow the sounds of nature to replace their random and self-centered advert nattering

Save more for those to come instead of stripping and wasting all we can now for ourselves

Smile politely as you pass by their lawn chairs, moving away in a different direction

Clean up their glossy spin along with all the careless litter they left on the ground

Forget their phony free market healthcare, education, environment and poverty solutions

Turn their toxic legacy into a great lesson that we shall never forget and never have to repeat

Junk their worn-out fantasy religious rationalizations and venal social darwinism

Free eroded corpro-conglomerated farm land from pesticides, fossil water and petro-fertilizers

Release our domestic animals from the ongoing holocaust their ignoble corporate masters perfected

Re-measure progress by the sustainable wild salmon harvest not by how many bloated SUVs they sold

Turn away from cynically smirking leaders reading with false twangs the speeches that others wrote

Suffocate them gently with soft pillows stuffed full of fluffy peace and love

Demonstrate that you understand them and then force them to listen to you for a change

Leave them squawking in meaningless, impotent rage - and then go post the video

Tax the living shit out of them in the name of those they have outsourced and displaced

Turn quietly aside and relegate them to a small but shrilly-whining margin

Don’t forget all their lessons and don’t let them back in power, ever again

Keep them aware of their results 24x7, wherever they choose to travel

Redistribute their pirated assets for schools, clinics, infrastructure and reclamation projects

Put them to work on chicken farms, in feedlots and bent painfully over in the onion fields

Convert some of their crumbling so-called trophy homes into museums of unvarnished greed

Preserve and combine names, dates and deeds into a twisted but cohesive history

Answer their last bailout pleas with empathetic offers of work at cleaning urban ERs

Busy their marketing and advertising geniuses promoting peaceful cooperation

Thoroughly safety test their adulterated, imported products on them, their families and their pets

Pester them with swindled widows, forgotten children, the uninsured and outsourced workers

Study their bios that their likes are prevented from ever again rising to power

Find ways to treat their greedy, monomaniacal, need to ignorant power with mercy

Set them savagely against each other in inconsequential and harmless competitions

Marginalize their greedy squeals for they led us to waste too much, for far too long