The Moocher’s Tale

Fancy shades ripped closed to block out our slow and awkward passing

We heard their car doors electrically locking when we drew limpingly too near

Pulling in their children they dropped their eyes and moved away

We felt the wind of their vehicles passing far too closely as we slunk along

Their hands grasped to assure their valuables as they left us in their hurried wake

Lights came on as we shuffled by, we were part of the cold and dark they kept outside

Infants stared blankly back as they were carried quickly away from us

Their elder’s eyes focused at points somewhere below and beside our dirty faces

We walked where they only drove and tasted their palpable distrust as well as their exhaust

They had us removed from public places when we made them feel ill at ease

They laughed and talked louder just to utterly crush our too-silent presence

We tried to act like we did not notice that they pretended not to see us

We walked in their hand-me-downs but we were not their children or their brothers

They swept their dust out upon us as we fumbled through their leftovers

We could not avoid their blank stares even though dark glasses hid their eyes

They brushed themselves with vigor after our chance and accidental contact

They learned to just step over us as we learned to sit sleeping where they walked

They grew impatient with our simple nagging presence every day in their busy lives

We stood in long lines waiting outside their pale in anticipation of rumored handouts

We let go our privacy and re-evaluated our dignity under dingy yellow city lights

We were the bogeyman but our own kids fled the onrushing vans of faceless soccer mommies

They tried to trap us in a net of ordinances but we slipped thru like spineless jellyfish

The papers ran short paragraphs when their misfits beat one of us to death at night

They shook their heads when we froze to death outside the over-filled homeless shelters

We crowded dirtily into the libraries and city parks, much to their disgust

Possessed of neither cell phones nor addresses, no good jobs awaited us

Our children crawled the floors of downsized welfare offices in growing grimy numbers

They covered their faces as we coughed and hacked and spit as they passed nearby

Social workers never approached us without medical gloves and often they wore masks

The garbage men and street sweepers looked down with great disdain upon us

They charged us with vagrancy and public nuisance since we had nowhere else to go

Too many offered us their help, but only on Christmas and Thanksgiving day

We shuffled by honest citizens from understaffed shelters to overcrowded rescue missions

We spent days waiting at the ER trying to drive up their health insurance premiums

We ate day-old bread in cast-off clothes as our kids noses ran and we choked upon despair

We finally realized our lives were better left unseen and our needs best left unspoken

Cut All This Stupid Wasteful Crap

Remove the ever-swelling tumor they winkingly euphemize as dEfense spending

Stop wasting millions of hours watching fat men bending over in tight stretch pants

Quit simply throwing out those 5 billion free plastic shopping bags you used only once

Don’t waste any more good advertising dollars on abrasive talking head spin doctors

Silence the 250 hp outboards and raucous OHVs used for our wanton so-called wreckreation

Curb our immense waste of paper, metal, glass and plastic by charging national deposits

Stop throwing money over there, make their oil unnecessary and leave them to their deserts

Don’t rip up more open land - Make them rebuild their cheap and worn-out strip malls

Quit repeating untold hours mowing, weeding, fertilizing and watering fake lawns

Turn the flood plains into parks and croplands but don’t rebuild homes there again

Stop the countless unnecessary trips riding all alone in obese, low-mileage roadhogs

Curb the waste of multi-generational single-parent families educated only in our prisons

Keep a quarter deposit on each set of fast food wrappers and utensils tossed away

Quit turning unnoticed extra calories from unhealthy food into unattractive, deadly fat

End the total waste of money on that pointless and long ago lost war on drugs

Quit destroying any place we love with your identical slash and burn developments

Stop unaffordable credit spending based solely on guilt implanted by corporate merchant holidays

Cut your gas terrorist subsidy and CO2 footprint along with this foolish worship of overpriced pickups

Insulate, wear a sweater and quit wasting money, fuel and emissions like a simple ignorant child

Put away the 60’ RVs with noisy generators towing 3 ton SUVs and 2 tiny people

End the bitterly divisive waste of time regarded now as the normal legislative process

Stop wasting precious socio-political bandwidth on phony wedge and values issues

Curb the 40% of our emissions that arise from the unnecessary and the inefficient

Cut the hopeless and expensive foolishness of multi-lingual government claptrap

Quit piling debt on the future while wasting the resources they’ll need to pay them back

Cut the thoughtless, random and chaotic noise that shatters the good & protective silence

Overcome the arrogant exceptionist righteousness we had our one true savior grant only to us

Decrease our dependence on shoddy goods built by foreign peasant slave labor

Forget the childish fantasy that easy credit is a safe & longterm source of household income

Disavow their myth of eternal compound growth for that of an economic steady state

Stop subsidizing the wasteful notion that prevention costs more than treatment

Focus and trigger nightlights instead of wasting good energy to simply hide the stars

Quit mining fossil water to grow grain for cows that need antibiotics just to digest them

End wasted bailouts meant to revive Ponzi financing and foolish credit spending

Reduce global population enough so that our frenzied activities do not threaten our very existence

Quit wasting so much energy trying to save a little time – Time that you will never get to spend

Ignoring The Blind Curves Up Ahead

There’s blind curves coming up but, not to worry, our true faith will see us on thru

They best watch out for us wherever their unfenced stock is roaming

Though we got foggy conditions up ahead, there ain’t no time for slowin down

It’s slippery when wet, but, your see, we got not time to lose - at all

Mind you watch out for them children playin, cuz we’ll just keep on speedin

Caint be slowin down now for just a little bit of rain

Gotta keep on truckin even though it’s already been 16 amped-up hours

Don’t you dare to swerve if a deer should jump out in the road

There’s a dip ahead but there aint no point in brakin now

Them speed limit signs are merely a little bit of friendly free advice

Hey, that yellow light means ta hurry up on thru that next intersection

That flashing sign don’t apply to us, so you just keep on a goin

There’s a sharp curve at the bottom, but our brakes may not be too hot

He’s kickin back a lot of gravel but we need to get up real close sos we can pass

It’s a narrow bridge so keep this big rig pushed right in towards the middle

We can negotiate these blind curves with the bright light from our blind faith

There’s a jam up there so just go ahead and pass them all on the right

That STOP sign ahead doesn’t apply to us because we’re on a special mission

Quick, flip out that trash right here where nobody else can see us

This semi don’t move over one bit for pedestrians, cyclists or accidents

Don’t try to dodge every pothole or miss every piece of ignorant road kill

There ain’t no shoulder so we sure ain’t pullin away from the centerline

We’ll let things take care of themselves and figure it out when we get there

That is, theys blind curves up ahead but we’ll just take them as they come

Bring On Them Libtards

Gonna whip some Snowflake ass!

Let’s see these skinny vegan dope smokers stand up to our smirking spin doctors

Yeah, come on you queer, yellow recyclers, just try and make us sort thru our garbage

Think you’ll make us pay 6 bucks a gallon to fill up our muscular diesel pickups?

Just step on out here and we’ll show you what these extra pounds can do to you

Try and make me eat that tough grass-fed beef and I’ll show you a thing or three

Come around here and I’ll hose you down with this stuff I spray on my kid’s lawn

Jest get in the road and I’ll dust your puny bicycle with my powerful Dodge Ram diesel

Which one of you don’t wanna bailout my maxed out credit cards and reset mortgage loan?

Your little friends don’t like my snowmobile, well, I say dammit, just bring em on

You’re against my OHV, step over here brother and I’ll wring your turkey neck

You want to take away my jet ski but I’m here to tell you what - I’ll fight for my rights

We’ll whip your green asses if you say we support terrorists with every tankful

They caint make us turn down our thermostats or turn off the stinkin lights and TV

We’ll proudly idle in the drive-thru line and eat bacon double cheeseburgers, all we please

We’re stayin with the NFL and NASCAR and you go shove that whatever World Cup

You keep your fuzzy research and we’ll stick with the true facts of Creation Science

We’ll take you to the mat for our right to cheap Chinese imports down to Wal*Mart

We’re pushin back hard on your bullshit about our overeating and never exercising

Let’s just chainsaw them trees they’re hugging with em still hanging up above

Push their girly faces down into the fat tire tracks we made in them useless, muddy wetlands

We’re gonna end this abortion murder and if need be, we’ll kill to get her done

We’ll impale them showy gays with pitchforks and burn them with our torches

Tired of pushy government women hangin up on us after theyre done tellin us what to do

Bring them sheetheads on over here and we’ll hunt them down fer varmint bounties

Just try and make us eat all like salads and we’ll punch out your pasty faces

We’re sick and tired of hearing about the evils of donuts and the glory of tofu

Hell yes, let’s drill everywhere sos we can drive around alone, making lots of noise

Ain’t ridin no buses, scooters are for kids and feck yer teeny-weenie lectric cars

No way we’re trying to touch our heads to our butts doin this bullshit, faggot yogi

Veggies and fruit may be OK fer kids but grownup men need good red meat with ever meal

Meditatin aint got nothing to do with jesus word my friend, so you can jest ferget it

You can have yer overpriced artesian loaves cause traditional families like soft white bread

Let’s stone their botoxed pushy feminist leaders down at the county fairgrounds, just fer fun

You think we fight wars of liberation just sos you can go socialize our healthcare system?

Won’t give up this struggle til they peel the remote out from my cold dead fingers

So bring em on and we’ll take em on here, just like we done over there in Whateverstan

Reinventing Ourselves For The Good New Jobs

You Could Be...

Programmers are bending themselves into grocery clerks going forward

So-called financial engineers should be snatching at secure jobs driving school buses

Web designers are strutting in their natty fast food uniforms

Physics graduates optimize sweeping patterns in their work as custodians

Shy mathematicians are re-inventing themselves as stockers down to Wal*Mart

Unneeded chemists are scheming to open up their own new brew pubs

Moping, unemployed newspaper writers futilely send their signal into the blogospheric void

Graying, downsized middle managers pass out identical resumes on every corner

Washed up autoworkers line up for full-time positions driving garbage trucks

Former roofers and framers look to re-invent themselves installing solar panels

Downcast Teamster container ship unloaders will become produce clerks, someday

With straight faces, liberal arts grads try to get hired on to redneck road-building crews

Quality assurance experts audit their own work cleaning toilets in convenience stores

Unemployed statisticians calculate their odds for success at professional blackjack

Burnt out, washed up teachers with no alternate careers shut down, but stay on

All those 45 and older are quickly cast aside and wordlessly encouraged just to die

Financial planners are now without the income streams needed to smother their own debt

Database administrators finally try to use their hands while studying to be paramedics

Laid off PR goddesses become consultants to other useless baggage trying to reinvent itself

Overextended real estate profiteers look for big scores in pyramid fat-burning scams

Unread resumes clog vast networks of pathetically over-eager former executives

Hapless retail attempts by entrepreneurial laid-off accountants die in record time

Ex-project leaders learn to live with being laughed at by fellow Home Depot stockers

Run down car salesmen start peddling reverse equity home scams to seniors

Cast off nannies make the long trek back to Guatemala without a dime of severance pay

Mestizo vaqueros in dusty baseball caps find no more labor and shuffle back towards home

Merged and downsized bankers cynically scheme to make it as credit counselors

Environmental activists try to get on with coal companies as public spokesmen

Moving firms reinvent themselves emptying abandoned, foreclosed McMansions

300 pencil-necked ex-loan originators apply for a single firefighting position

100000 returning war vets are laid off just as soon as permitted by federal law

Cute former cosmetic sales girls learn to turn a few tricks for rent and food

Stock brokers feverishly search the internet for another golden egg of greed

Soccer moms are forced to morph into gas clerks in oversized checkered shirts

Off-shored Customer Support personnel enjoy painting houses and mowing lawns

But, at last, those bottom-feeding military and priesthood recruiters gin up a few new bodies

The Baby Boomer Legacy

Prodigiously wasted precious, non-renewable energy without the slightest consideration

Cloned endless farmland, coastline and forest into identical suburbs and cheap strip malls

Sent engineering jobs to Japan, production to China and customer support to India

Passed laws to protect the environment but cut backroom deals so as not to fund them

Unquestioningly threw away more money on defense than all other developed countries combined

Sent mom and dad off to the mercy of low-wage, franchised, contract, foreign attendants

Never saved a nickel but demanded free health insurance and a fat retirement pension

Expected safe food even as I flooded my own lawn with pesticides and fertilizers

Smirkingly spun and marginalized as wackos those who dared to question our agenda

Stepped safely away from the mortgage on that thrice Re-Fied, shoddily-built McMansion

Shook my head in disbelief at the environmental mess the Chinese made producing our cheap goods

Gave my kids every opportunity to become obese and diabetic - Even younger than I did

Sustained multi-generational poverty by simply managing to always look the other way

Unconsciously belched out tons of climate-warming CO2 on countless, very pointless little trips

Turned sleepy backwaters into artificially-overpriced, family adventure resort communities

Left my inflated healthcare bills in the laps of my spoiled and ignorant children

Burnt up all the easy-to-grab fossil fuels and left the roads and bridges in ruins

Stayed utterly silent and permitted human population to increase to the crashing point

Institutionalized snowmobiles, jetskis, ATVs and 50’ RVs as valid forms of wreckreation

Deftly ignored the holocaust from which our meat emerged, so safe and very shrink-wrapped

Stored billions of tons of recyclables under toxic landfill goo - to be mined by those yet to come

Wasted irreplaceable fossil aquifer water growing indigestible grain to tenderize our meat

Disinterestedly stood by as big energy devastated anywhere it pleased, in the name of cheap energy

Convinced our clueless kids that they were special and that they would surely rule the world

Brought god into the government but vowed to keep its nose out of our commerce

Replaced climax old-growth forests with a corporately-managed, monoculture investments

Re-introduced the wolf but extinguished the songbirds, reptiles, fish and amphibians

Flushed a giant dead zone down the chanellized Mississippi into our once-fruitful Gulf

Sacrificed my ideals to media hypnosis after each long day of pointless toil, under nitwits

Schemed to preserve the beings we wiped out in the wild in sterile zoos and laboratories

Replaced home cooking with fast-food, take out and frozen microwave dinners

Drove up the price of each toney new seafood item until it was harvested into extinction

Used credit cards as an income source and then squalled loudly for relief from the unfairness

Alienated the entire world and caused the teeming global poor to attack us everywhere

Always stopped to smell the roses and lived for today and wished our kids good luck

Rode on, convinced that my insular, fundamentalist, creationist faith would protect me, forevermore

Building Millions Of Identical Dream Homes

Doors slamming and horns blowing, echoed in hoarsely shouted, cursing repetition

Harsh laughing over un-muffled engines roaring, punctuated by metal beating

Brakes screeching and alarms beeping, dirty men gunning belchingly-inefficient motors

Nailers pounding after saws shriek as the lumber is falling with painful groaning

Dirt drying and worms dying under the trash dumped into slimy excavations

Trees not cut but simply bulldozed and bushes driven over, time and again

Men toughened by the sun and from the unsightly destruction they call construction

Weeds and litter springing up in a muddy tribute to the wonders of their good work

Crazily, the wastes of their noble creation are so great as to require giant dumpsters

Horrible music spiced with cheap fast food is stuffed into the dirty faces of unkempt heads

Compressors beat themselves to death as their old-time gasoline motors clatter

Men driven by simple thoughts of cold beer, lounge chairs and big-screen sports TV

Expensive but crooked knot-hole ridden lumber laying about awaiting resurrection

Artificially-honorable livings earned, to feed simple but crude workingman illusions

Timelines missed, mistakes ignored, costs illegally cut but prices raised in any case

On this site a memoriam to waste and filth and greed: This is all patriotic and blessed by god

Their trash and urine built into the foundations of some good mommie’s dream home

The same oft-made mistakes covered up, but still unsafe, on this latest job as well

Materials pilfered by the crew are quietly replaced with castoff scraps of lesser quality

Cabinets scratched or plumbing broken by the ham-handed are reported as freight losses

Men surly and late-arriving to not-even-showing, hung over, missing sleep and way in debt

They belch acidly like dyspeptic frogs croaking for that good old cheap caffeine

Their smoking butts tossed thoughtlessly into their deeply senseless drying mud truck tracks

Tobacco-blackened lungs hacking green morning wads onto the shattered ground

Swelled with horny pride by the smelly but inert gas of twangy TV spin doctors

Getting into fights and quitting, breaking shit on purpose and muttering obscenities

Conquering the work site wasteland in their pathetically-juvenile, loud pickup trucks

Farting in each other’s faces and laughing as more of their filthy, yellow teeth fall out

Crushing coke cans into the dead earth with manly boots made by tiny Chinese women

Reflexively swelling with warlike pride pumped from cagey 30 second neo-con sound bites

From this site they laugh at the wrecks they erected across the street just 10 years ago

Shouts straining to overcome their groaning machinery as it dispatches their new prey

Creating jobs to fund mindless recreation, overeating, beer and cheap plastic imports

Earning their keep, maintaining their pride and playing their role in our great progress

And the earth lays gouged, gashed and ignored somewhere under their new rubble

Our dull but brute strength screamingly pounds out another good family’s happily ever after

Gettin ‘Merica Great Again

Gotta bring back cheap and really smoky diesel fuel for our honest, thrifty working men

Then they’ll be tradin up again to even further upside-down leases on even bigger pickups

Get em back to belchin smoke from good loud mufflers with that same patriotic pride

Stead of sneakin around like tree huggers with eggs beneath their gas pedals

We’ll refinance their houses for them and flush away those negative savings

Gonna give traditional families a place to draw out more unearned cash from china

All them re-financing deals should kick start our most innovative credit finance industry

And the realtors can start runnin up house prices for fat commissions once again

We’ll ditch this cockamamie greenhouse crap to protect our fragile economic recovery

No more bullshit about saving the planet because, look, people’s jobs are on the line here

Forget this sustainablility scam if it involves even the slightest expense or inconvenience

Get the asians ta slap them peasants in line cause we need more cheap imported junk

We’ll get these whatever Ārabs straightened out even if it takes a coupla lifetimes

A few hundred billion dollars each and every year ought to do the trick - Someday

Pretty soon a few of those like free elections will bring them heathens all like McDonalds and stuff

Our boys aren’t dyin in vain even if it has just been all wrong from start to finish

Bringing back the days when we just shoved it all into the trash and straight out the door

No more stupid packin and sorting through the garbage for them numbnut greenies

If they want it, they can pay me for it and come here and dive thru our dumpster to get it

Cause once it’s paid for, it’s mine to simply toss away and get on with traditional family life

Nowadays they aint no need to spend money on clean water since we all drink ours outta bottles

The kids can just go down to the pool if they want to go swimming in the summer

I never have time to go fishin anymore and the wife likes it better down to Red Lobster

Anyway, we can still get out on the boats and jetskis as long as we don’t get wet

Them good new jobs atomorra created after we all got outsourced are comin in real soon now, too

We’ll all be contributin to the consumer economy in our new service sector positions

Everybody’ll have good health benefits and a free retirement fund to draw from - Early

Yup, we’ll all be working on computer doin some kinda hi-tech financial services and shit

Coal is gonna give us a smoky, grimy-devastated, but energy-independent homeland

Honest patriot lobbyists will sacrifice sos we can crank up the uninsulated heat all winter long

We can point to the slag heaps and the dirty air and really be able to see our progress

Settin a lonely brave example for the developin world against that vast socialist CO2 conspiracy

We’ll cut taxes but hike defense spending and keep ignoring the whatever deterioratin infrastructure

Strappin on them fiscal cables for another jumpstart and bendin over for the next kickstart

Cause we really cant solve any other problems if the blessed economy has gone south

We’re gonna get back on track real soon now using creative, god-fearing entrepreneurism