Going Green...In My Dreams

Not going to waste any more precious fossil fuel on those many unnecessary daily trips

Finishing up with dumping my tons of thoughtless but nearly permanent CO2 emissions

No more dirty coal will over-warm my over-sized, un-insulated, leveraged dream home ever again

Won’t be polluting 200 gallons of good clean drinking water each and every day anymore

Won’t rip up any more productive farmland for shoddy, cloned, convenience strip malls

The oil on my driveway will stop leaking into that little stream every time it rains

The plastic bags I only used once will no longer choke our overburdened and leaching landfills

Won’t be so quickly casting all that devilish chinese shrink wrap into the closest dumpster

Wont be eating any more grains and vegetables impregnated with toxic runoff chemicals

No longer buying food that’s over-stimulated by oil-based pesticides and fertilizers

Done gumming pasty white bread which was watered by draining irreplaceable fossil aquifers

Stopped consuming proprietary, sterile, genetically-modified, corporate cereal crops

Wont be smashing glass bottles on rocks just to hear the noise they make while breaking

No more thoughtlessly tossing aluminum cans into the gaping mouths of garbage pails

Done casually flipping plastic containers aside the very moment they are emptied

Stopped thoughtlessly dumping out all that so-called waste paper I don’t want or need

Won’t be discarding much more cheap broken plastic shit from Asia without a second thought

Had my last freshly poisoned fruits shipped in from the far-off southern hemisphere

Wont be buying gas to fill my ATV that helps support terrorists in lands 10,000 miles away

Not paying any more taxes to have them outsource the war on terror there instead of here

Done kicking back and watching as we kill off the noble wandering albatross and dolphins

Not going to totally ignore the vanity poaching of the elephants and the tigers anymore

No longer going to let the salmon and the orcas be driven to extinction on my watch

Stopped driving up the price of sushi that is finishing off the magnificent bluefin tuna

Done sitting mutely as illiterate fools hoarsely destroy the living desert surface

Will no longer remain quiet as our wasteful recreation despoils the inland waters

Not continuing to wave politely to fat tourists shouting from atop noisy ATVs

Finished making excuses for loud smoking snowmobiles chasing game and littering

Wont be calling greedy shortsighted developers patriotic entrepreneurs anymore

No longer think energy policy is in my interest despite their smirking political assurances

Stopped believing that social progress emerges from politically polarized paralysis

Quit swallowing the repeated diatribes of artificial media conglomerate puppets

Hopping off the treadmill that I always ran as I looked forward to vacations I can’t even remember

Coming clean deep inside without the help of their evil-smelling embalming chemicals

Going completely green at last, without any overpriced and wasteful coffin: Yeah right!

Finally stopped making any carbon footprint at all. For I shall move no more forever

A Snowflake’s Fictional Revenge

I just feel so terrible that these awful thoughts actually came out of me, a peaceful vegan socialist!

Casually ripped out the stakes they had carefully set to guide their yellow bulldozers

Slapped a ‘Supporting Terrorists With Every Tankful’ decal on the fat man’s morbidly obese pickup

Slashed their ATV tires as they were shitting and leaving their trash in the woods close to the road

Dragged corporate leaders from gated mansions and burned them at the stake for their outsourcing

Put some sharp rocks just under the surface where they took off drunk and shouting on their jetskis

Knocked over a faux-badboy’s financed Harley into the path of a vegan hybrid backing out

Replaced the cheese on their burgers with thick and slimy slices of pusy organic tofu

Played really loud country music when she brought clients for a showing in her leased BMW

Rolled up their well-tended lawns and dumped all their slimy home toxics back into their yards

Smashed out her tinted windows so I could clearly see her too-tight, heavily made-up, botoxed face

Ruthlessly forced them to speak clearly, read high-school level books and write complete sentences

Took a big dump on the seat of their powerful excavator and smeared it all over the steering wheel

Sent all their cosmetic surgeons off to Africa to work for Doctors Without Borders for a tiny stipend

Taxed the shit out of the gas they wasted and created energy independence with the money

Blocked all the drive thru take outs with a mountain of cast-off plastic fast food containers

Sterilized them and rescued their fatherless children if they hadn’t passed a minimal parenting class

Piped power plant emissions straight into the homes of the Clean Coal Initiative leaders & legislators

Charged them more by the gallon and the pound for their carelessly wasted water and unsorted trash

Smothered entire families far beneath their way-too-casually discarded plastic bags

Smashed up all the chips and the cookies in the fat women’s grocery cart and dared her to chase me

Made the board meet in their own fields as their dusters spread fertilizer and pesticides upon them

Grounded all their private planes until they had sense enough to get good mufflers put on them

Taxed ranchers on federal lands by letting the bears eat some of their cattle, without reimbursement

Brought our troops home and thanked them for all their brave but vanity-driven sacrifices

Dumped tons of their wasted advertising materials on property they were dishonestly pimping

Herded the lobbyists thru the streets as the poor children laughed and stoned them as schoolwork

Put up solar panels on every roof of the country right next to new wind turbines just to piss them off

Piped the exhaust from his remote-start, idling to warm up, pickup straight into his silly man cave

Sent the finance people to Somalia to innovate while living in mud huts and building new schools

Sentenced the investment bankers to chain gangs in the rural South without any possibility of parole

Shot out their nightlights whenever and wherever to set the stars free to shine once again

Punched the car salesman in the moth and bought what I wanted without paying any commission

Filled their clean and empty giant pickup beds with the oily runoff from their own driveways

Taxed the churches heavily, just like any other grasping, lying, fictional corporate pyramid scheme

Forced them to pay off their credit cards before they could finance another new big screen

Fined the politicians every single time they so lamely intoned ‘God Bless America’ in their speeches

Dirty Fire

When we arrived on scene the dump still burned, but there were not too many flames

Beneath its thin layer of sanitary dirt, methane was formed and had ignited

Gashed mattresses, horribly soaked couches, sunken birdcages and rancid fish smoldered

I knew I had been finally proved a sinner, finding myself in this disgusting hell

Bleach and paint thinner, used oil and sour milk, sullied rain and breaded cat poop

Beheaded dolls, twisted pink T-shirts, broken chicken bones and rotting garden hoses

Rancid vegetables and jagged metal and all kinds of rejected plastic, everywhere

Wet brown advertising material in every orientation crushed by broken bike wheels

The bronzish smoke of hell itself filled eyes and lungs as mice and bugs scuttled off

Of course the roar of crushers and bulldozers drowns out all normal communication

Skeletal swingset frames groan terribly as they are painfully twisted aside

Brake fluid coated propane cylinders bob ominously to the slimy brown surface

Avalanche and landslide dangers keep us on toes layered deep in pungent slime

Our water leaches out a myriad of chemicals as it begins to flow downhill

Old-timers laugh and inhale the smoke and doubt a liquid plume can reach the river

Half-eaten waffles coated in dirty tissue paper cover a crumpled dress raped by a toothy 2x4

The unknown liquids of our innocent household trash leach into a vile HazMat stew

Blowed-out tires and old chimney bricks, concrete rocks and dirty washing machines

Sharp metal shelving shards contaminated with that muddy paste spear at the unwary

Spattered business printouts anchored by soupcans unfold under shady, torn-up car seats

Here and there twisted metal smokes and burns even at the cool ground level

Heat and CO2 rise from the mattress-like surface we walk upon to do our good work

Rotten rope from a hammock lies twisted into the undoable knots by the hand of God

Discarded carpet partially unrolled leads one to somewhere, off beneath the rubble

Over there an infirm pet has been committed without undue ceremony

Box springs at odd angles trap feet and toss us face first toward the sludge

Tarred fast food wrappers decorate discarded furniture like they ate and ran

However, we all remain quite complacent cause this landfill fire’s been burning for many years

Reusing, Refurbishing, Repurposing, Recycling

Not to be confused with Demean, Diminish, Disgrace, Dishonor

 Reusing grandfathers thrifty habits to set us back on their sane track again

Refurbishing our tarnished moral values to put them in play once more

Repurposing the wasted energy they used in their vanity thought control campaigns

Recycling their greedy, vain and shortsighted philosophies into the infinite void

If I don’t need it anymore I guess I won’t just toss it out

Maybe somebody else can use it

Perhaps a little tune-up means,

It will serve well for a few more years to come

I’m not using this stuff anymore

Wow, that would work just fine for this

At last a worn out piece of consumer history

Experiences rebirth once again

I got this extra part now since she gave me a new one

Do you need this other one, like I did before?

This part has broken several times

Can we maybe fix it better than it was ever made?

I’ll save these nuts and bolts from the old one,

For some other unknown project

Looks like this stuff is going back once again

To the big recycling factory in the sky

I’ll go and see if I can find one

Down to the bright and clean thrift emporium

All this old one really needs

Is a little tender loving care

I’m making a thoughtful war memorial

Out of this old high volume toilet

At last it’s time to recycle at least a bit of the wasted energy,

That was locked inside their failed neocon agenda

I’ll put a different attachment on the old one

And then we can use it on the road

All’s I did was put on a new cover, spray a little paint

And it looks as good as new

These worn out tee shirts will work real well

For messy projects out in the old garage

I’ll just rinse out this glass and metal for the green box,

Instead of tossing them in the trash without a thought

For Real Heartland Consumer Sacrifice

Well, I’ll give up my drive-thru lunch a coupla days each week

Just sos that I can take the OHV out with the boys on Saturday afternoon

I can get the old lady to cook shit out of cans or maybe even from like raw stuff

Instead of nuking up them pricey microwave dinners that we really like

Turning off the diesel sometimes instead of idling in air-conditioned comfort

Just to save a teeny bit of that there artificially expensive fuel

Adjusted my thermostat even though the kids just set there whining

Had to make some changes cause the bill’s gone through the roof

Gonna turn off the big screen when we’re not at home and maybe unplug it at night

Damn electric keeps on going up every single month

Ta hell with that fancypants overpriced organic shit

My kids’ll do just fine on white bread and them plastic-coated, factory-extruded hamburg logs

Look, I’m even walking all the way back out to the stinkin mailbox

Drivin to grammaws instead of flyin - Which I hated anyway

Cant afford to trade in my 2 year old SUV even if it does only get 10 MPG

So, but now I’m tryin to drive less than 20 thousand miles a year

Cutting back to generic cookies and not watching so many pay-per-views

That liberal climate conspiracy is costing us all a whole lot of money every day

The old lady’s not getting botoxed and her toenails got the colora yella baby shit

Gotta start savin somewhere, so first I cut out that stupid fitness center I never go to

It’s for sure we won’t be attendin that awesome church ski vacation this year

But we’ll still be able to ride our jet skis a few weekends out to the lake

Wonderin about this family plan that costs $200 a month for a coupla phones

After all I just spent 600 bucks on school sneakers the kids tore up in a week

Have to share less quality time with my boys now that bullets are $4 each

I’ll make it up to them though, at home playing them shooter video games together

Switching credit cards to get a lower rate for at least the next six months

Oughta free up some extry cash for when our mortgage rate resets again

Cuttin back on pert near everything just like they slashed my job and downsized my life

But still got enough time to catch NASCAR and the good old NFL on the bigscreen with a cold one

However, not gonna enjoy them growlin snow machines as often since they was repossessed

Waitin for the real belt-tightenin ta begin since them tax and spenders are in control

Cut out the produce and the fruits too - sos we could still have chips, cokes and Budweiser

Only seein the frickin ripoff dentist again when I cant stand the pain no more

Gotdamm dogs’ll have to get by cause they ain’t going to the vet again this year, either

Look - We’re makin some real sacrifices up in the heartland for the good of family, god and country

The Most Unthinkable Ultimate Weapon

Some crackpot wacko researcher has gone and done the unthinkable deed at last

And now it’s up to us to make sure this thing doesn’t fall into terrorist hands

Turns out it’s really quite simple to make and way too easy to secretly transport

We got to retain tight control of this invention or our precious liberty is surely at risk

The mad scientists have gone and let an evil genie out of the bottle once again

Proliferation cannot be an option for the freedom loving peoples of the world

If our enemies get hold of this, it will threaten our traditional family values

We alone must retain control of this awful power - for the benefit of all mankind

Our strategic analysts warn of its terrible consequences for our military establishment

It’s just the kind of thing that the one-worlders have been wanting for use against us

This weapon could upset our carefully crafted, fear-based global power balance

It will put the people of our sacred fatherland at the mercy of the godless heathen

There’s no denying its potential to do good if we were to use it in the proper manner

But, in the hands of radicals, it would represent a clear and present danger

Its proliferation would pose the gravest threat of any doomsday scenario yet

Mr. President, we must act at once to halt the spread of this terrible innovation

Already, there is intelligence that our enemies seek it on the world’s black markets

We have detected some French testing out on one of their remote Pacific atolls

Unconfirmed reports say an outlaw state is trying to acquire its raw materials in Africa

Some kind of loony religious cult wants to loose it on the entire world in aerosol form

We got to keep a closer eye on our so-called allies in the light of this new threat

We are ramping up our domestic intelligence gathering a bit more in secret, just in case

They say it might even be introduced covertly into our food and water supply

What we need is another world treaty which we can ignore but force others to obey

Already, reckless young people are experimenting upon each other with this stuff

The generals and politicians are demanding that the policy wonks craft a solution

This thing could spiral way beyond our control and end all our cozy partnerships

We must quickly ramp up coordinated media, military and diplomatic campaigns

Congress must quietly funnel millions for secret research and covert operations

Believe it or not they’ve found a vaccination for that sacred pox known as war

If I Was Some Artist

If I was some artist instead of some socially-waterboarded misfit fogged by chronic dull panic

I’d turn you a clay pot with designs recalling the animistic musings of your ancient ancestors

If I had the gifts and the tools and the time, well, maybe then things would be different

And I might not be so dizzy from being wrapped up and blindly rolled towards the abyss

If I could pick up a guitar and get your minds to fill in the gaps between the chords

Maybe you could look past the bent and rusty groans of my tired and wornout frame

If I were not so pathologically hurried I think I might spend time raking that Zen garden

Arranging my randomly littered inner self at last into harmonious parallel curves

If I was some artist bringing order to chaos and distilling an aching beauty from tragedy,

These other selfish emotions might just stop choking and blinding and tripping me up

If I was even a bit gifted and not so damn tone deaf, ham-handed and ignorant to color and form

I would make images exactly as I release those perfect bubbles when I swim underwater

If I were not still so lamely hung up, off in some irrelevant, wasted and trivial past,

I might be granted a mature vision uniting all this vast and random, unsortable rubble

If I was a soothsayer resplendent in mystic robes, I’d hold a cosmic mirror up to our faces

But as it is, I cannot knead my trivial past into the required consistency to spin any tales

If I had the voice in any one of its forms, I’d lay it upon you with humility and grace

So now you can see why I appear to look through you, staring blankly, off into space

If I could just pop my head back up, out of my ass, maybe I would even open my eyes once again

Still…it’s simply not right to have to bet on a miracle just to ensure one’s simple daily survival

If I was some artist coming through from a trance like a musing psychic medium,

I would also know how to go about it being quiet, gentle, self-effacing and kind

If I could free my arms and legs, stand up and just catch my breath for an instant

Just maybe I might titrate small scenes of order from out this roiling and implacable chaos

If I were a pilgrim all like grimy from long and deprived wandering in faraway foreign lands,

The truth that might heal us could have accidentally lodged somewhere upon me

If I was not simply a lesser among all the equals, shambling along right behind you

I would split this blinding glare prismatically into separate rays of the rainbow of truth

If I were a prophet, maybe with a long beard and those terribly piercing black eyes,

Rational followers would weave my ramblings together into pithy and valuable insights

If I was some leader with a unifyingly-clear vision, perhaps I too could stay upon message

But sadly I just add more static to this wack, cacophonious conundrum of confusion

If I was some Buddha, all like serene and composed, meditating beneath the sacred Bodhi tree

Gestures would be simplified, words would be superfluous and writing unnecessary

All my lessons would be imparted from the beatific smile playing across my unlined face

But as it is there is little truth in the tracks the dirty tears have smeared down my hollow cheeks