Monday, March 7, 2011

Unlearned Lessons From That Great Recession


Don’t bring back no-income, no-job, no-asset, no money down home loans
Ban that so-called ‘financial engineering’ as a legalized but criminal profession
Never again make just the monthly minimum payment on multiple credit cards
Ensure that the oversized, noisy pickup truck totally disappears as a commuter vehicle

Don’t ever let the phony 7% real estate professional make any type of comeback
Stop buying those $150 shoes for kids who simply refuse to learn to read and write
No more of shrieking media heads pimping you tips to unknown stocks on margin
Forget that tens of smog-belching 3 ton roadhogs ever idled daily in drive-thru lines

Keep the crooked loan originators and greedy property appraisers unemployed
Don’t resume spending on diet aids that tell you it’s OK to eat anything you want
Push back hard when car salesmen try to reclaim their useless and parasitic positions
Let negative savings rates remain only as object lessons of our own stupidity

Don’t bring back giant, overpriced, shoddily-built McMansions leveraged by poseurs on margin
Never again spend $100 a month on fat-filled, sugary lattes, tossing away the cups
Really, let’s not pickup where we left off buying jet skis, OHVs and snowmobiles
Never pay loudly-ignorant, semi-skilled, so-called tradesmen to hold us hostage again

Make sure speculation on second home developments blocking access to open spaces remains dead
Forever keep buried the cynical and greedy lie that self-regulation is key to industry salvation
Waterboard the NeoCons on their own poisonous soundbites until they confess to anything
Don’t ever bring back the idea that your home is some investment instrument and an ATM

Don’t even consider more no-strings-attached cash bailouts to thieving financiers
Don’t return the nannies, chauffeurs, pedicurists and decorators to the faux-rich
Be sure smirking, callow Wall Street 20Somethings get no more million dollar bonuses
Never again roll credit card debt into an underemployed illiterate’s house note

Remain standing menacingly over the myth that loud and willful exceptionism equals patriotism
Don’t let the corn-based biofuel scam be resurrected by its well-heeled lobbyists
Never, never blindly trust the bankers, brokers, lawyers or financial advisers ever again
Kick down the self-serving lie that stocks yield the most over the so-called long haul

Archive house flipping how-to shows as evidence of the madness that possessed us all
Never again rush to overbid on unseen property before it even hits the market
Don’t roll old car leases into new ones even further underwater from the very start
Keep the hard-driving, career-oriented, equally-paid loving mothers needing time off, in their homes

Smother the absurd notion that vapid hyper-consumption is somehow really patriotic
Be sure that administrative assistants never again finance multiple rental properties
Don’t bring back those falsely-folksy, Ivy League politicians who favor the rich at your expense
Never again believe consumer spending and financial services could underpin a sustainable economy

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