Friday, March 4, 2011

The Sound Logic of Conservative Policies


This credit debacle far outweighs their cutesy fuzzy pipedreams of whatever sustainable living
These unemployment figures must push the real poor further into the gray background
Decreases in tax revenues force us to slash funds for even studying climate change
In this economic downturn the ecosystem simply must take a back seat to family welfare

The financial crisis leaves us without monies for these so-called superfund sites
We must pare social spending to the bone to preserve our military preparedness
Alas, educational funding must suffer given the collapse of the holy housing market
Real healthcare reform will remain on the back burner until consumer confidence returns

Cleaning up our waters takes a back seat to restoring mindless consumer spending
Energy independence can be shelved again thanks to fracking & a temporarily reduced demand
Burdensome impact reviews must be put on hold to help jumpstart the precious economy
Expensive emission control procedures can be waived until the recovery finally takes hold

This discretionary habitat restoration must cease until our families begin buying on credit again
Personal responsibility can wait while we bail out both irresponsible debtors and lenders
Clearly this is not the time for some expensive, lifestyle-based disease prevention program
We certainly cannot impose costly deposits on recyclable materials during this crisis

Requiring power companies to stop acid rain could push customers over the edge
Mandating energy efficiency for electronics could hurt slumping sales even more
Saving old growth forests must take a back seat to temporary jobs cutting timber for export
We cant stop illegal worker abuses without threatening businesses and raising costs

Protecting our soil must now take a back seat to curbing factory food price increases
Underwriting investment banking gambles trumps making higher education affordable
We wont be rushed into phony climate change fixes but this huge bailout must be fast-tracked
To fight this crisis, patriotic coal-fired power plants will be permitted near national parks

Limiting worker chemical exposure imposes undue costs on already-stressed industries
Ethical treatment of animals must take a backseat to affordable factory protein for our families
Calls for smart growth sound pretty silly given these current dire economic conditions
We must pump trillions to the bankers while cutting back on unproven childcare programs

Overseas atrocities and starvation are secondary to rebooting our own hyper-consumption
Right now, rugged conservative straight talk must override shrill liberal whining
We cannot embark upon squishy socialist programs lest we jeopardize a fragile recovery
Unlike the planetary ecosphere, our investment banks are too big to be allowed to fail

It would be insane to radically increase gas tax now to rebuild the failing transportation grid
Regulations can wait until the bailout money has re-lubricated the noble financial system
Habitat preservation is for the birds when good families are suffering economic hardship
Fairytale wacko concerns must take a backseat given our ongoing economic uncertainties

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