Creeping Out

There creeping out and squeakin ther timid, whinin I told ya so’s

Sneakin by in them teeny used jap econo cars, they paid off so long ago

Bein real quiet fixin up they undersized fixed-rate homes all by theyselves

They’re cookin they own meals and stayin thin but seemin really nervous

Not drinkin pricey lattes or drivin out for lunch with they posse every day

Washin they own clothes and even hangin they towels outside on clotheslines

Walkin and ridin bicycles like the sissy girls they want us real men ta act just like

Cutting they emissions and savin on they energy costs, over there behint our backs

Beating our smoking snowmobiles into lamely quiet little green motor scooters

Askin us to tax and legalize them deviated buds theys always smokin

Payin off they credit cards each month without any finance chargis

Not even on their way towards high blood pressure, heart disease, strokes or diabetes

Creeping out after decades of what they call our scary wasteful foolishness

Trying to lead openly now by queer example instead of scuttling off to the side

Still stayin real quiet inside they downsized cribs and not even celebratin

Coming out among us in old clothes to buy parts to fix up they broken, repurposed, used shit

Even taking out their silly recycling mess right during the light of day

Filling up for a fourth of what we are pumping into our good ole giant diesel pickups

Carpoolin all like openly progressive together just to save a little CO2 and money

Not even callin on our ads for them big used Harleys with the payments so long overdue

Tiptoein right on by the exurban mega-church on they way to science classes

Havin fun conservin junk and enjoyin cutting down on what they think we waste

But still throwin lots of money away on organic vegies and grass-fed meats

Plannin on guttin out our great military to leave us open to foreign dEvE8s

Carryin they lame tofu and shit home in them filthy little cotton sacks

Squintin at the labels, checking out the calories, fat and additives and shit

Strappin wack expensive wind and solar junk up on toppa they well-insulated roovetops

Cutting off they lectrick crap at night to save a coupla pennies and some coal smoke

Startin to walk beside the roads even where we drive our SUVs and pickup trucks

Ain’t even bellyin up to the drive-thru line for shakes and fries and double bacon cheeseburgs

Whisperin something about health care starting with self-responsible pervention

Quietly lettin they nice lawns turn brown just to stop waterin and fertilizing and weed killin

Creeping out to the thrift stores stead of savin Chinese Big down ta the Wal*Mart

Tryin to like steal the motivation from the rich by redistributin they hard-earned wealth

Turning down they thermostats and wearin sweaters right in they squirrelly homes

Bitin at our heels on TV and shit then hightailin they green asses back to they tiny dens

I'm Higher Than Mommie

I’m sipping right along now with Mommie thru my little navel straw

Getting a real taste for her cool menthol cigarettes and that cheap lite beer

My tiny ears are pricking up hearing country music from underwater

I’d be really lightheaded if I wasn’t already floating so very freely

It’s warm and dark in here so I cant see the dirty modular where I’ll soon be living

Those piled up dirty dishes and filthy carpet do not bother me at all

Don’t know why I get all scared and nervous when my daddy gets to yelling

I’m higher than my Mommie is, cause she’s sharing everything equally with me

I can taste all the smells of the shrink-wrapped stuff down to our local Wal*Mart

The diesel exhaust from Daddy’s big old truck goes right into my fetal bloodstream

I like my coffee in the morning but it makes me weewee just like Mommie

I get my nutrients from white bread, hamburg and adulterated chinese vitamin pills

I’ll tell you what, my growing brain just loves that Crank as much as my scratchy Mommie

I knew that she was real upset when that last tooth fell out, but, hey, I aint got none, neither

Coming out real soon to crawl the welfare office floors just the same as she did

I would have cried when Daddy punched her but no one could have heard

Sometimes she feels me kicking for a little quiet, as they cackle on the couch at 4:00 AM

She takes me to work sometimes cleaning houses and I can taste the cleansers

When daddy and his friends get to shouting at the TV sports it scares me half to death

I try to roll over and hide my head, but I just have to depend totally on my Mommie

I’ve got pretty blue eyes and cute little fingers and I take in everything she does

I listen as my big sister wipes her dirty nose as it’s buried over me on Mommie’s lap

She don’t talk too well and no one knows why but she’s also short and overweight

But I’m still warm and safe and totally helpless here inside my beloved Mommie

It wasn’t much different for my Mommie or her Mommie going back a few generations

The drugs and environmental contaminants are different but our attitudes are still the same

We all started out just as perfect and as pink and as innocent as I remain right now

And I don’t know no better so my inescapable life will still be all like wondrous to me

The dingy walls that close in on her aren’t as nice as my safe place here in her tummy

She shelters me from the scabies, impetigo, bedbugs, roaches and nasty head lice

I’m picking up on TV though, cause it’s blaring through to me all the time

Sometimes when she lays wrong I don’t know it, but her obesity is squeezing me

I hear my grandma’s laughter morphing into a nicotine coughing fit just above my head

But by then my little world is spinning gently cause it’s finally time for bed

And my love is already smilingly unconditional for I am totally helpless and dependent

So, I’m higher than my Mommie is cause I’m younger, innocent and totally at her mercy

Bring On Them Libtards

Gonna whip some Snowflake ass!

Let’s see these skinny vegan dope smokers stand up to our smirking spin doctors

Yeah, come on you queer, yellow recyclers, just try and make us sort thru our garbage

Think you’ll make us pay 6 bucks a gallon to fill up our muscular diesel pickups?

Just step on out here and we’ll show you what these extra pounds can do to you

Try and make me eat that tough grass-fed beef and I’ll show you a thing or three

Come around here and I’ll hose you down with this stuff I spray on my kid’s lawn

Jest get in the road and I’ll dust your puny bicycle with my powerful Dodge Ram diesel

Which one of you don’t wanna bailout my maxed out credit cards and reset mortgage loan?

Your little friends don’t like my snowmobile, well, I say dammit, just bring em on

You’re against my OHV, step over here brother and I’ll wring your turkey neck

You want to take away my jet ski but I’m here to tell you what - I’ll fight for my rights

We’ll whip your green asses if you say we support terrorists with every tankful

They caint make us turn down our thermostats or turn off the stinkin lights and TV

We’ll proudly idle in the drive-thru line and eat bacon double cheeseburgers, all we please

We’re stayin with the NFL and NASCAR and you go shove that whatever World Cup

You keep your fuzzy research and we’ll stick with the true facts of Creation Science

We’ll take you to the mat for our right to cheap Chinese imports down to Wal*Mart

We’re pushin back hard on your bullshit about our overeating and never exercising

Let’s just chainsaw them trees they’re hugging with em still hanging up above

Push their girly faces down into the fat tire tracks we made in them useless, muddy wetlands

We’re gonna end this abortion murder and if need be, we’ll kill to get her done

We’ll impale them showy gays with pitchforks and burn them with our torches

Tired of pushy government women hangin up on us after theyre done tellin us what to do

Bring them sheetheads on over here and we’ll hunt them down fer varmint bounties

Just try and make us eat all like salads and we’ll punch out your pasty faces

We’re sick and tired of hearing about the evils of donuts and the glory of tofu

Hell yes, let’s drill everywhere sos we can drive around alone, making lots of noise

Ain’t ridin no buses, scooters are for kids and feck yer teeny-weenie lectric cars

No way we’re trying to touch our heads to our butts doin this bullshit, faggot yogi

Veggies and fruit may be OK fer kids but grownup men need good red meat with ever meal

Meditatin aint got nothing to do with jesus word my friend, so you can jest ferget it

You can have yer overpriced artesian loaves cause traditional families like soft white bread

Let’s stone their botoxed pushy feminist leaders down at the county fairgrounds, just fer fun

You think we fight wars of liberation just sos you can go socialize our healthcare system?

Won’t give up this struggle til they peel the remote out from my cold dead fingers

So bring em on and we’ll take em on here, just like we done over there in Whateverstan

Violent Macho Vegan Fantasies

Come on out from watching football and let’s settle this climate change issue right here

There’s a vegan birdwatcher been lifting weights who wants to break some NeoCon face

Gonna enjoy smashing your snow machine on behalf of all the vanished wildlife

Would be happy to fill your car with all that trash from those drive thru windows

Put down your stupid firearms and let’s settle this like the TV men you dream of being

Gonna smack you down for the frogs you 4WD’d over while smirking-drunkenly, smug and secure

Got a squishy liberal hammer fist for sending research and engineering overseas

Here’s a broken tooth for your overspending role in this ridiculous credit debacle

I’m a sissy treehugger, but I’ll gladly bury a palm strike in your fat and outsourced face

How about a bony elbow to your unused head or skinny knee in your fast food gut

I’m calling you out over what you’ve done to this country over the past 40 years

I’m a weak and yellow bicyclist trained hard enough to snap your overburdened joints

I’ll show you tough on fucking defense you wheezing, red-faced, HamAndEggers

Bring it on and we’ll film liberal greenies tattooing your tired-out, freedom-loving asses

Putting you on notice that machoism can survive on organic salads and soy milk

Here’s a hard left hand for the channelized and poisoned rivers you leave behind

Let’s do this in a peaceful meadow that your smoking bulldozers have not found as of yet

I’ll quietly meditate and sip green tea as they carry you off after I finish your beating

You can review your mistakes with your personal savior during the ambulance ride

So, yeah, the Bushido Zen Way is not incompatible with a peace-loving heart

Been practicing chokes and armbars just for you while I was hugging all them trees

This peacenik calls you to go mano a mano over your standalone cowboy foreign policy

While you’re on your back, gonna put quiet mufflers on your moronic pickup

You’re gonna go back to the earth with me to enjoy some good old ground and pound

This proponent of universal healthcare wants to ensure you a safe and free trip to the ER

I’ll enjoy a fruit smoothie after I am de-con’d of all the bloody sweat from your fat body

Gonna Visualize World Peace as I knee your piggish face from a tight Mui Tai clinch

Step down out of those oversize pickups so I can knock the Budweiser right out of you

Wackos are gonna bitch slap you until you whine like your fat, spoiled and stupid wives

Socialist flag-burning recyclers will punish jet ski riders from full mount position

A meditating observer longs to slam a real patriot into the cage just to feel his pain

Gonna pay you back with elbows for letting them ruin our standing with the whole world

Callin you out for a beating on behalf of the lakes whose fish you have tainted

Taking you down hard for stripmining mother ocean and waltzing off with the cash

Here’s a vicious combination for the tortured cows, pigs, chickens, turkeys and sheep

Gonna whup yer ignerant, selfish polluting asses and force feed you nuts, tofu and sprouts

Building Millions Of Identical Dream Homes

Doors slamming and horns blowing, echoed in hoarsely shouted, cursing repetition

Harsh laughing over un-muffled engines roaring, punctuated by metal beating

Brakes screeching and alarms beeping, dirty men gunning belchingly-inefficient motors

Nailers pounding after saws shriek as the lumber is falling with painful groaning

Dirt drying and worms dying under the trash dumped into slimy excavations

Trees not cut but simply bulldozed and bushes driven over, time and again

Men toughened by the sun and from the unsightly destruction they call construction

Weeds and litter springing up in a muddy tribute to the wonders of their good work

Crazily, the wastes of their noble creation are so great as to require giant dumpsters

Horrible music spiced with cheap fast food is stuffed into the dirty faces of unkempt heads

Compressors beat themselves to death as their old-time gasoline motors clatter

Men driven by simple thoughts of cold beer, lounge chairs and big-screen sports TV

Expensive but crooked knot-hole ridden lumber laying about awaiting resurrection

Artificially-honorable livings earned, to feed simple but crude workingman illusions

Timelines missed, mistakes ignored, costs illegally cut but prices raised in any case

On this site a memoriam to waste and filth and greed: This is all patriotic and blessed by god

Their trash and urine built into the foundations of some good mommie’s dream home

The same oft-made mistakes covered up, but still unsafe, on this latest job as well

Materials pilfered by the crew are quietly replaced with castoff scraps of lesser quality

Cabinets scratched or plumbing broken by the ham-handed are reported as freight losses

Men surly and late-arriving to not-even-showing, hung over, missing sleep and way in debt

They belch acidly like dyspeptic frogs croaking for that good old cheap caffeine

Their smoking butts tossed thoughtlessly into their deeply senseless drying mud truck tracks

Tobacco-blackened lungs hacking green morning wads onto the shattered ground

Swelled with horny pride by the smelly but inert gas of twangy TV spin doctors

Getting into fights and quitting, breaking shit on purpose and muttering obscenities

Conquering the work site wasteland in their pathetically-juvenile, loud pickup trucks

Farting in each other’s faces and laughing as more of their filthy, yellow teeth fall out

Crushing coke cans into the dead earth with manly boots made by tiny Chinese women

Reflexively swelling with warlike pride pumped from cagey 30 second neo-con sound bites

From this site they laugh at the wrecks they erected across the street just 10 years ago

Shouts straining to overcome their groaning machinery as it dispatches their new prey

Creating jobs to fund mindless recreation, overeating, beer and cheap plastic imports

Earning their keep, maintaining their pride and playing their role in our great progress

And the earth lays gouged, gashed and ignored somewhere under their new rubble

Our dull but brute strength screamingly pounds out another good family’s happily ever after